Are You Creating the Problems That Do Not Exist?
3 ways to beat self-imposed struggles
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Have you noticed how our minds lean towards dissatisfaction?
With fewer issues, you don’t become more fulfilled. Rather, the discontent grows. And you begin to experience more discomfort.
Harvard psychologist David Levari explains this as prevalence-induced concept change:
When our problems reduce, we also reduce our threshold for what we see as a problem. And end up with the same number of problems. Except the new ones are shallow.
He conducted a series of experiments to study this behaviour.
In one of them, they showed the participants a set of 1000 dots. Each varied from very purple to very blue. Participants were then asked to decide whether each dot was blue or not.
In the next phases, they reduced the number of blue dots. And this time, participants even included the dots they had rejected before as blue.
Did you catch that?
People expanded their ideas of what blue meant to them as the dots became fewer.
This tendency seeps into our everyday lives. Once our troubles go down, we change our perception of what trouble is.
Why do we create self-perceived problems?
We are always comparing and striving for more.
At the core of human psychology, relative comparison is a mental shortcut. It allows you to make quick judgements on the available information.
For our ancestors, it was a crucial survival skill. It enabled them to look for potential threats, save time and avoid risk. Plus, it allowed them to form groups for mutual protection and help.
Fast forward to the present world, constant comparison and the need for more is detrimental.
The never-ending disappointment with our possessions, relationships and achievements leaves us drained. What once was fulfilling no longer gives us joy. And we start to believe our current circumstances are a problem.
Man only likes to count his troubles; he doesn’t calculate his happiness.— Fyodor Dostoevsky
What does it cost us?
The consistent frustration ruins our mental health.
Running behind more without appreciating what you have leads to anxiety and stress. The feeling of emptiness overpowers everything. There is a race to keep upgrading your lifestyle, and the growing list of needs leaves you burned out.
You fixate on worst-case scenarios and negative outcomes to the point that you never stop worrying.
Moreover, it strains your relationships. The criticism and demands increase. This leads to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts, affecting trust and communication.
How can we turn this around?
1. Challenge overthinking
When you find yourself overanalysing, interrupt your thoughts. Question their credibility.
Focus on the facts rather than the assumptions. Understand that repeated narrative doesn’t mean it’s true.
Yes, it won’t be easy. You will keep getting stuck in the loop. But, bring yourself back every time you realise you’ve drifted. It is challenging to rewire your brain. But, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
Unlearning unhealthy habits requires consistent small steps. Let go of the pressure to improve fast. Remind yourself that change happens over time. After all, it is years of conditioning that you are trying to release.
Even if you stop overthinking for 10 minutes, give yourself a pat on the back.
With continued effort, you will get better at it.
2. Reflect on the problem
Asking questions gives clarity.
Introspect on the issues you are having. It will help figure out if it’s a genuine concern or a perceived one.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- What is the impact of the issue on my life?
- Am I seeking any kind of validation here?
- What proof do I have to support this problem?
- What would happen if I let go of this?
- How would I advise a friend in a similar situation?
As you answer these, pay attention to any patterns or biases you find. The idea is to get to the core of your true emotions.
Self-awareness will empower you to make conscious choices and take appropriate actions.
3. Be mindful of the comparison trap
In today’s digital age, it’s all too easy to judge your life against others.
The ‘nice’ experiences of other people make you feel less of yourself. Their goals become your goals. Their desires become your desires. Their needs become your needs.
The benchmark of a fulfilled and happy life is not set by you. But, by what you see around you.
This is dangerous.
The feeling of inadequacy and envy destroys your self-esteem. Setting unrealistic expectations not only makes you doubt yourself. But, also takes away your authenticity.
So, stop accepting what others are doing as the best way to live.
Focus on yourself. Redirect your attention to your values and strengths. Appreciate the opportunities you have. Engage with others as who you are, not who you think they will like.
Find inspiration from others’ stories. But, create your path to fulfilment.
Bringing it all together
It is a journey to challenge our inherent behaviour which no longer serves us.
Not all problems you experience come from a place of authenticity. Many are self-created. Digging into the core of these challenges will reveal their insignificance.
Learning to separate valid concerns and those perceived by our mind is an important life skill. And you can start with it today.
Take a moment to reflect on the issues bothering you. Is there a pattern of comparison, or overthinking that is contributing to the dissatisfaction?
When you start asking questions, what you find will surprise you.
Thank you for reading.
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