Paige Tana.
A story about a girl,her name and books!
Patrick came from a middle-class family. He was academically smart and so he managed to attend one of the most prolific universities in the country:The University of Nairobi. He pursued a finance and accounting degree. He clearly must have been good in maths to take on such a course. After four years, he graduated and immediately got a well-paying job. Which came with the benefit of a company car.
Mary Anne, his girlfriend, came from a humble background. As a result, she barely completed her primary education. Even so, she was street-smart and beautiful. If I knew Patrick personally, I’d argue he got attracted to her for those two particular traits. But I didn’t, so don’t take my word for it.
Fast forward, their love for each other brought forth the birth of their first and only child. She was born at around 9 am after long hours of labor in a small local hospital.
Before the labor, Mary Anne got bored while in the hospital and decided to entertain herself. Lying in bed waiting for the inevitable painful hustle and tussle of childbirth which is life-threatening as well.So she picked up a novel she’d carried from home which she’d gotten from Patrick’s hip of all sought-after books. She got herself comfortable as hard as that was, and began reading.
Years later Tana would come to learn about that side of her dad’s life and that becomes a pivotal moment in her entire purposeless life. So to speak.
Before the soon-to-be mother hardly read half through the novel, the horror and terror that contractions and labor pains are known for started to kick in, fast and furious(yes, just like the movie). After a few hours, the world was fortunate to be graced by a beautiful baby girl who would later become an imitation of a Supreme being.
As it goes, after giving birth, naming follows, for identification and documentation purposes. So when the nurse assigned to her asked poor exhausted Mary Anne for those details, it was a no-brainer."Paige" she said in an almost whispery tone to the nurse standing beside her bed holding a notebook and pen.
Now,here comes a fun fact:Before going to the hospital, Mary Anne hadn’t picked a name yet. But what do you know, the novel had it covered! In the novel, Paige is the leading female character’s name and so she happened to like her a lot. Guiding her abrupt decision to name her child-like so.
Hours later when Patrick finally arrived at the hospital, he was quite thrilled to meet his daughter and half as much his very tired girlfriend(understandably so)who by then was fast asleep to witness his enthusiasm. After the short-lived pleasantries, the same nurse who attended to Mary Anne a while ago, went to inquire the child’s second name from Patrick who didn’t hesitate at all when he said "It’s Tana, we name her Paige Tana."
Tana? Why Tana?you might be wondering. I wish it was my place to tell you why he chose the name but it’s not. Mary Anne certainly didn’t understand it either leaving it apparent to only Patrick and God. After all, he is all-knowing and will probably reveal the reason to Tana someday. I guess we’ll see.
Patrick was an alcoholic and the life of the party but so was Mary Anne. The difference was, that Patrick had a car. Making him susceptible to the highly discouraged act of driving while drunk. He probably violated this safety rule a million times and got away with it squicky clean but on one particular day, that wasn’t the case.
His daughter, Paige Tana was only five months old when it happened.
In August of 2000, Patrick got into an ugly road accident on a highway, on his way home after a long day of working and pretty much the remaining part of it clubbing.
He unfortunately died on the spot!
The twenty-five-year-old, newly young mother and now widow, was devastated and confused when she got the dreadful news of her baby father’s demise. She had never imagined her life turning out the way it did. It was a lot to handle. And she needed an outlet. Drinking and smoking and partying became her outlet.
After the burial and everything, Patrick’s family disowned her because she and Patrick weren’t officially married. They therefore confiscated everything in their house. A cold and heartless act that meant there was no longer a place for her and her newborn baby in that family.
21 years later,
Tana had grown to become the kind of girl who enjoys reading long forms of writing as a source of escapism, entertainment, and knowledge. She also had a liking for matters concerning pen and paper. Journaling became her favourite form of expression outlet but mostly self-therapy. Unfortunately, often, she would run out of notebooks and pens to use. At this point, the habit had stuck so much so that it became a part of her identity over the years and now, it had already started becoming obvious to others but more so to herself.
One day, with a face filled with uncertainty, a thought happened to cross her curious mind:”Am I meant to be a writer?! I mean, I do love… Reading,Writing,Literature...and Philosophy!” All the while squinting her small, brown, round eyes.
Weirdly the thought didn’t last long and neither did her entertainment for it. Probably because she subconsciously shook her head in absurdity to make way for thoughts she thought were much more likely and certain to be true. Didn’t she know the famous saying that goes, "Every thought counts"?!
Because that one certainly did.Big time!She just din’t know it yet.
Tana’s personality was what’s today referred to as being an introvert. This explains why she was often alone doing whatever she thought was wise and fun. She also wasn’t one to say much and only did so whenever necessary or when she talked about her interests. Which weren’t much and most of the time involved picking the minds of dead people who were long gone and buried! Yes, you’d be well within your social rights to deem her a total weirdo if you met her.
In the same breath,her favorite authors weirdly happened to be old men and dead . They often say, "You become wise when you start listening to the dead." And Tana was clearly on the right path. She just couldn’t stop turning the pages of books. The books reading hobby gave her an addictive certain kind of high similar to the ones junkies get when doing drugs. I would know.
Speaking of I would know...
Could books be the true manifestation of what Tana’s full name meant metaphorically?
Because books made her feel alive!Like she was fulfilling some kind of a prophecy. Books amused her because they opened up her mind to new ways of thinking and viewing the world, she got to travel the world through well-written descriptive words, and most importantly, through reading extensive and world-class books she grew a desire to write her own words, and later writr her own books.
Through journaling, she understood herself better. She would self therapy by writing entries from her childhood and linking them to why she is the way she is. Just as alcohol, cigarettes, and parties were her mom’s outlet, writing was hers.
Mary Anne was naturally talkative but more so whenever she got drunk. One time, she got so wasted and just couldn’t stop talking about Patrick all the while being nostalgic about it. Those times were indicators she missed him a lot and wished he hadn’t died leaving her completely alone to take care of their daughter.
With what often seemed to be watery eyes forming and certainly her breath smelling of cheap liquor that night she began narrating some sort of story.
Tana grew up having to deal with her often drunk mom and worse, she had to act entertained and interested in her mom’s stories. Otherwise her mom would accuse her of being a snob.Which she wasn’t.And so to avoid an argument she would pretend to be listening but actually wasn’t.But tonight this particular story caught her attention and she listened.
"P... Patrick used t...to read hours on end," she said, struggling to find her words.
"H...he had a huge shelf... " explaining with her hands.
"filled with all kinds of books and novels."
She continued hopelessly dropping her hands down on her lap.
"You’re just like your father. You have his eyes too."
She added smilingly.
The rest of the story didn’t at all involve Tana’s dad, so there was no point in listening further. She sneakily left her mom to wallow in her drunken misery and went straight to bed. She’d mastered skills to fall asleep even under so much noise. So it wasn’t long before she fell into a deep slumber.
Paige never knew she and her dad shared a common interest! Last night before she almost confronted her mom about this exciting discovery, she thought it was best to sleep it off and pick it up the next day when her mom was sober and could think straight.
After what I imagine to have been a long night, morning finally came and Tana was determined to not let her mom leave for work before getting her answers. The clock on Tana’s nightstand read 7:50 am."Fuck!" she yelled covering her mouth with a pillow. She then threw away her bedding and quickly jumped out of bed. With a million thoughts in her mind making her look like a mad crazy woman.Or girl.
Instinctively, she hurried down the stairs toward the living room. Luckily her mom hadn’t yet left for work." yikes!" she said to herself with a sigh of relief holding her chest. Her mom was at the kitchen counter eating cereal while scrolling through her phone. Which meant she didn’t hear Tana coming downstairs or even notice her in front of her.
With a relieved smile on her face upon seeing her mom, Tana was ready to get some answers.
Good morning Mom!
Ooh, my God! you startled me!
Oh my God! sorry?!...
Then nonchalantly, she added,
"I didn’t know paps used to love reading!"
"Well, you never ask anything about him. Do you?"
Right there and then, Tana uttered what she knew she ought to just think to herself but never say out loud. But she did it anyway.
“Uh, maybe that’s coz you’re rarely around? You didn’t think of that. Did you?! And when you are, you are never really present. All you seem to care about is your work… and yourself. I hate you! I do.”Her angry face had then turned pale and fixated on boldly staring at her mom’s face.
Seriously, guys, Tana did cross a boundary here.No?I mean, she should have known better. Especially since she’s African and all. She was outwardly disrespectful and a brat.
"Do you know how hard it is being a single parent?",
"You don’t, so you have no right judging me."
As much as I hate to take sides especially since I happen to be fond of Tana, her mom had a valid and reasonable point there. Raising a whole human being is no child’s play. And a lot of support is required. Which she unfortunately didn’t have to enable her to become a good mother.
But before Tana realized she had messed up and that she needed to apologize ASAP, her mom had in the blink of an eye already lost her appetite, stormed out of the kitchen, and slammed the door behind her.
Fuck!Now what?...
She inwardly thought as she threw herself on the couch. Feeling disappointed with herself.
Days and weeks have gone by since that happened. It would have been safe to say that Tana had forgotten all about getting her answers but no. She became even more determined than before.
She wasn’t nagging her mom or anything. She just couldn’t stop thinking about how she could solve the problem by herself. Pacing back and forth for days in her bedroom didn’t help so she became more chill and calm.
At the time, she had a couple of books on her TBR(To Be Read)list saved on her phone. Seated down her bedroom’s pink woolen carpet spread on the floor, and with her back against her bedside, she mindfully scrolled through the long list. Which roughly had over 20 ebooks. Most of them being nonfiction.
After a couple of minutes of profound silence in the room, "Perfect!" Tana exclaimed as her eyes suddenly widened with delight. The reason was, that she had decided which book to devour in the next couple of days or weeks. Depending on the book’s length and relatability to it.
I don’t want to bore you with the specifics of the book’s title and content but... I’ll let you know reading that book when she did was pivotal to her understanding of self.
After getting comfortable on her bed, she drowned herself more and more in the book’s pages. Literally and figuratively, Paige Tana couldn’t stop turning pages. Um...did I just let the cat out of the bag too soon?
Something clicked in her mind triggered by a certain line in the book:” You are written in God’s book of life.”
"I’m a page in a biblical book!"
"That’s why I’m so drawn to reading!"
Ooh dear,she finally realized.
By the time she was having the epiphany, it was already dark, and Super had to be ready before her mom returned from work. Quickly she jolted from bed and straight into the kitchen. All the while preparing the food, she just couldn’t stop thinking of what to do with the new understanding of herself. She just knew one thing for certain, reading and writing had to be her reason for being and not just for herself but for other people.
"This must be my purpose!"She thought to herself.
"Not because the world has a shortage of writers, but because of fate and mostly because writing gives me a sense of inner fulfillment.A priceless reward any soul could ever receive."
Years later,
Tana is now a blogger as well as a work-in-progress author drafting her first book’s manuscript!
