Personal Development & Self Help
Perfectionism in studies
I want to be among the best and would rather quit than not be — tips from a dropout 😉
Your heart beats like crazy when you see how much material you still have to get through this semester.
Although you want to do everything right, what is demanded in your studies is simply not manageable.
Well, you can’t change your studies, unfortunately, but you can change YOU.
I don’t mean that there is something wrong with you, but that you can — if you want to — adapt to your studies, and thus to your current environment.
High to unrealistic expectations of oneself
Belief vs. reality
Does that sound familiar?
- “I don’t want to just get through it somehow, but I also want to be able to apply the study material later on.
- That’s why I prefer to take more time but graduate with super grades.”
One provocative question:
Is it honestly the reason you want to get top grades?
Or is it a justification for a behavior you can’t stop?
Because let’s face it, many modules of study are so theoretical that often only a fraction of them is actually applied after graduation.
A study degree is also designed to give you an overview of the different areas in the industry of that degree.
Example: I had different modules in psychology studies. (At least in the country where I live: Germany).
The studies included these modules:
- social psychology
- statistics
- biological psychology
- and many other modules
So the question is, is it possible for you to be good everywhere?
Or isn’t it the case that it would also make more sense for you to get a taste of all areas, even if you’re not the best everywhere?
(But of course, you should still pass 😉)
Also, graduates are rarely or never asked about their grades (at least among my friends).
They have the title and thus the authority to do the job. They have, by and large, passed what they’ve studied, and that’s enough.
But that’s not enough for you?
Changing the irrational
Let’s assume I’m right up to this point, and there is no rational reason to want to achieve top grades.
Then why do you want to get the highest grades?
And please be honest here. People often act unconsciously and irrationally, and that’s ok.
It’s just important to find out what’s irrational and change it.
That’s to motivate you to tell the truth, whether it’s embarrassing, shameful, or whatever.
The reason for irrational
#1: Do you want to make your parents proud with those top grades?
Do you? Then I have a question:
Are your parents NOT very proud of you when you do NOT get top grades?
#2: Do you want to feel good about yourself when you get top grades?
Or the other way around, do you feel bad when you don’t get top grades?
If so, then your self-worth may be directly tied to your performance.
I defined myself through achievement
Let me try to clarify.
I had the best grades in elementary school, and my mother not even one time (but many more) bragged about it to others.
She often praised me in front of others. How quickly I learned to read — even before elementary school! —
How I once won first prize in a contest in which I could recite as many poems as any other child. And so on.
Performance was the only reason why my mother praised me. Otherwise, I got no attention. Only for achievements and a little bit if I was made pretty as a child.
My programming at that time, or in other words, the beliefs that I internalized at that time was:
- I am valuable if I perform or look good.
AND
- I am worthless and ignored if I don’t perform or look good.
Also, in part:
- I have to be the best.
My self-worth depended on achievement because I was a perfectionist!
You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.
— Maya Angelou
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My perfectionism contributed a lot to the “dropping out”
Of course, there are also good aspects of perfectionism. But in studies, it can be an extreme hindrance.
The unvarnished truth is that I did not continue my studies after completing some modules. Malicious tongues would say that I dropped out 😉
For me, it is (no longer) a big deal because I have a good understanding of the reasons and could continue to study.
But the point is: my perfectionism contributed a lot to the “dropping out”.
This self-imposed internal pressure not to make mistakes caused me a lot of stress until I became physically ill.
In my case, it was impossible to be perfect in my studies.
I could shine in some modules and not at all in others. And that’s ok.
It’s just that I wasn’t ok with it at the time.
Of course, my story can’t solve your problem right away. But hopefully, I can make many people aware.
