Play To Your Strengths — Being Selfish Is The Start Of Giving Back
Simplifying Self-Improvement Edition 1
You’re too kind.
That’s the problem.
The most successful people in my life are inherently selfish, and their kindness is too.
And you need to be too.
Especially because being selfish is the key to providing for others.
Most expressions of kindness are akin to a horse and a carrot.
Whether their expectation of kindness is future or present, it’s all the same.
It comes with a price.
And you’re no different.
The relationships we claim are ‘selfless’ often come with the price tag of a 'relationship'.
Such as family, friendship, brotherhood, sisterhood, or amorous/sexual relationships.
In the absence of that relationship, there would be no motive.
The better question then would be, do we, as humans, do anything without some form of transaction?
I would argue not.
Rather than being a cause for concern, this is great.
If a degree of selfishness is inbuilt in every human and it’s inescapable, it will be easier to accept that you must be selfish — especially when it comes to the things you love.
In three days, my life has changed.
And it was all because I unknowingly became selfish.
I haven’t published in months.
I’ve only been consistent with my diet, my TikTok account, the gym, and university.
And in comparison to my list of things to achieve this year, that is far from enough.
In fact, I’ve felt guilt-trodden for the whole of January as a result.
I was constantly feeling like I was doing lots but never doing enough of what was needed.
Until 3 days ago.
I write these words at 08:35 on February 2nd.
On the 31st of January, me and one of my close friends made a decision.
We started 75 medium, a modified version of 75 hard.
These were our rules:
Weekly:
- 1 Progress picture
- 4 days exercise (never skip 2 days)
- Library 4 times.
Daily:
- No caffeine
- No alcohol
- 2 Litres of water
- No fast food
- No electronics after 10pm
- In bed 10:30pm
- 10 pages reading per day
- 10 mins journaling
- Awake at 5am.
- Out of bed by 5:30am.
- No scrolling first
- No processed sugars
- Movement everyday.
It has genuinely changed my life.
Though it’s only day three, I’m certain.
Because it forced me to become selfish in a way that the traditional 75 hard never has.
75 hard traditionally subsists of six rules.
- Two 40 minute daily exercises (one must be outside)
- 4L of water a day
- No alcohol.
- Stick to a diet.
- 10 pages of non-fiction
- Take a progress picture.
I have never found this challenge hard.
Those rules are simply what I do in a day, just on a different schedule.
The issue was that it caused me to be selfless, not selfish.
And that’s why I hated completing it and still hate it.
It forced me to play contrary to my strengths to complete it.
Therefore, I was doing the challenge to encourage others, not improve.
Which only served to make it harder to actually improve because it felt performative rather than progressive.
I wasn’t excited to complete any of the tasks since they all felt like chores.
To make matters worse, this spilled into all of the obligations I was free to pursue individually.
I found myself constantly drained, fighting to tick off a checklist rather than feeling free to work more through consistency.
Something I know follows consistency:
The Word Intentional Is Substituted In Favour Of Selfish
75 medium forced me to be selfish.
Like me, I believe everyone has a drive to be more.
But to realise that drive, you have to place yourself in situations where you cannot say no.
In other words, you have to be selfish about where you go, how you spend your time, where you spend your time, and what you need.
Only then can you have enough to give without guilt.
Whether that’s your time, expertise, gifts, money, or even enough of yourself in a relationship,
You have to have them first, in order to give.
Be Selfish With Your Passion
The challenge forced me to be selfish about my time.
I have strict guidelines about waking up, going to bed, and phone usage upon waking up and getting out of bed.
These play to my strengths.
By nature, I’m a morning person; I’m most productive in the morning.
However,
- I often find myself procrastinating when waking up early by scrolling
- When I know I have a rest day, like today, which means an early morning with lots of time, I sleep in or stay up later the night before.
- At night, I tend to concede and play late at night with my friends, since I want to spend time with them, talk to them, and be friends.
However, this led to me being sleep-deprived.
I continued to wake up early to be productive and bit the bullet of fatigue, which diminished my well-intentioned efforts.
All of the above are now impossible.
Being selfish has forced me into a situation where I can play to my strengths — freeing my own personal drive to do the rest.
Though seemingly easy to digest, I never realised this.
The trick to infinite productivity is being selfish.
Be so selfish that it is impossible to play to anything but your strengths.
Another example is reading.
I cannot in the hour between 5am and 6am scroll on social media in any capacity.
And to my surprise, it left me with a small pool of options.
Cardio, shower, clean, read, work on my projects, university reading, praying, bible reading, or journaling.
These were all things “I wanted to do, had to do, but somehow found no time to do them in the day.”
Yet now, I suddenly have a guaranteed hour to achieve them.
This morning, before I started writing this at 8 a.m., I read 50 pages, prayed, completed a personal project, did an hour of paid work, and journaled.
Then I started writing.
And there was no obligation to do any of it.
I never had to work past 6am!
Yet, here I am at my desk hours later, working voluntarily.
All I had was structured time and the freedom to play to my strengths.
Simply because I was selfish in the correct circumstances.
I encourage you to be more selfish.
By making this change, I have found a way to do more and have more time to do what I want.
Being selfish has allowed me to achieve more, sacrifice less, and enjoy more.
There have been no drawbacks to not playing to my strengths.
Be selfish about the circumstances that are optimal for you, and do not concede.
In doing so, I’ll become someone who can give everything much quicker.
LM
Thank you for reading!
American psychologist Alok Konojia, or ‘HealthyGamerGG’, says:
“The absence of reflection is the reason you’re stuck.”
To solidify our growth, let’s reflect:
Petrichor’s 1-Minute Reflection:
- How did you feel before reading?
- How did you feel whilst reading?
- Do you feel any different now that you’ve finished?
- What is your one takeaway from reading this?
