Personal Growth
Poor Girl, Rich Girl
Struggle stories become an unstoppable drive to live your values and your purpose.
It began as a casual conversation about college admittance policies, after Christmas dinner.
Jean: I probably won’t get into the college I want because I don’t have a struggle story.
Me: A struggle story?
Jean: Yes, colleges prioritize people who have struggle stories.
Me: What’s a struggle story?
Jean: You know, if you are poor and you have good grades, you have a better chance of being accepted.
Jean intends to start writing college essays at the end of the year. I wanted to help her grasp the possible focus for her essays.
I did some online research and began to understand that Jean was misconstruing a sob story to be a genuine struggle story.
Me: Jean, colleges don’t want “pity me” stories. I don’t know what individual colleges want, but I do know one thing. They want your story about how you personally overcame a challenge, how a hardship caused you to have a passion for something, or how you volunteered to take charge of something that needed to be fixed.
Overcoming a hardship can be part of it, but the main story is how you used your personal struggle to fuel your passion and accomplish your goals.
Answer the question, “what sparked your love for….?
Struggle stories are not inherently negative. Your struggle story doesn’t have to originate from adversity. It can originate from any source that drives you toward your passion or purpose. It defines how you navigated circumstances, setbacks, and barriers on your journey to pursue your dreams.
The following struggle stories exemplify how individuals have used their struggles to make choices that aligned with their values and capacities.
Rich Men, Poor Men
Buddha, also known as Siddhartha Gautama, was born into wealth and privilege. He enjoyed a life of luxury and comfort.
As the story goes, one day, his charioteer escorted him outside the family’s compound. For the first time, he saw human suffering and became disheartened.
His encounter with the reality of sickness and death galvanized him. As a result, he renounced his princely status and dedicated himself to meditation and self-discovery, with the goal of alleviating people’s suffering.
After years of spiritual exploration, he attained enlightenment and became known as the Buddha.
Despite his life of privilege, he didn’t find meaning in his circumstances. He shifted from wealth to voluntary simplicity and spiritual pursuit.
Another individual, Daniel Suelo, the subject of Mark Sundeen’s book, “The Man Who Quit Money,” was born into a financially well-off family in the United States. After college, he became disillusioned and depressed with our material world. Suelo gave away his money, abandoned his possessions, and began living in a cave without money or a permanent residence.
Rich Man, Rich Man
Here’s a struggle story of wealth that led to incredible leaps for humanity. Bill Gates was born into privilege and attended private schools. The struggles he faced in his early life influenced his drive for success.
First, the prestigious private school he attended, Lakeside School, gave him access to computers when they were not widely available to the general public. But, computer time was limited and expensive. He didn’t let this hurdle stop him from learning programming. He and his close friend, Paul Allen, would stay up all night to maximize their limited computer time.
Second, his passion for computer programming conflicted with his parent’s expectations. They wanted him to pursue a traditional path, like a doctor or lawyer. He had to push past this internal conflict to follow his passion and pursue a career in technology.
Third, he struggled to balance his academic responsibilities with his intense interest in computers. He had to figure out how to manage his time effectively so he could channel his energy into learning programming while still excelling academically.
Gates’ early struggles, including limited computer access, conflicting expectations, and the need to balance multiple commitments, helped shape his drive to succeed. He was determined to push boundaries, overcome obstacles, and pursue his passion.
These early struggles fueled his ambition to revolutionize the computer industry and become one of the most influential figures in the world.
Poor Girls, Rich Girls
Oprah Winfrey was born into poverty, had limited access to education, and experienced racial discrimination and social barriers. Despite her early struggles, she became one of history’s most successful and influential talk show hosts.
In my early childhood, I encountered similar challenges— born into poverty, an early brush with death, gender discrimination, societal barriers, and limited access to education. Despite, and perhaps because of, these struggles, I climbed out of my childhood circumstances to become a successful entrepreneur.
Your Capacity
Me: Jean, you came into this world for a purpose. It doesn’t matter if you know or don’t know what that purpose is. But who you are and what you are here for will show up in your capacity.
Jean: What is my capacity?
Me: Your capacity equals the resources you have to fulfill your goals and objectives in life. It includes your skills, knowledge, talents, traits, and many other internal and external factors. It answers the question, “What do I have to give the world.”
None of us is born with the same capacity, purpose, potential and life circumstances. And your capacity is not fixed or predetermined. It is unlimited. It can, and does, evolve and grow over time through learning, experience, and deliberate effort.
I wrote more about capacity in this story, “How to Build Your Capacity for Success.”
Your Audience Size
Along with capacity, you also determine the number of people you want to reach for the impact you want to make on the world — what it takes to be sustained by your work.
We choose the size and scale of our audience, whether it’s being the best parent we can be or transforming ourselves into iconic billionaire figures. Our personal goals, our comfort zone, and our circumstances influence our reach.
Some of us need a large audience to be sustained by our work, like the Buddha, Oprah, and Bill Gates. Most of us want a smaller audience.
Oprah’s capacity was more far-reaching than mine, even though we faced similar challenges growing up. She became an iconic figure and a billionaire. My capacity was smaller, and that’s okay. I defined success on my terms, which meant I climbed my own ladder. Oprah chose a giant ladder, becoming the self-made woman she wanted to be.
Your Struggle Story Fuels Unshackled Motivation
Your struggle story is merely a catalyst for fueling your drive and your purpose. It can help you break free from self-perceived fears and doubts.
“How do I choose to live my life?” is a universal question with a unique answer for each of us. It is not limited to wealth or poverty but speaks to our shared human experiences of living for a purpose.
If you know a student who wants to express their struggle story, whether to fuel their passion or submit a college application, I invite you to help them explore their thoughts and answer the question, what sparked your love for….
