May 2, 2020
Radical Acceptance; Owning Your Story
So this is a topic that I have come to love, the subject of Radical Acceptance. Interestingly enough, I have come to realize that I had long since been practicing it, long before I even knew what it was. When it started to come up, as I was going through treatment, experts in the field had started to tell me that my life was a great example of it.
Once I started to work on mastering it, I quickly found out that radical acceptance was something that I found truly fascinating. And I yearned to continue learning everything about it, and it started improving my life in incredible way.
I will try to explain what it’s all about. In a way, it has its own definition. But I have come to believe that the examples of it, and the way it is used in life, is a much better way than simply reading a definition of it out of something like a dictionary.
This is also a topic that I have touched on many times before. It’s presentation, and my thoughts and feelings of it, evolve with time. The topic grows as I change or improve in several areas in my life.
I can remember when the radical acceptance awakening happened. It was a time, where I had started to get deeper into my sobriety and recovery. It was a time where confidence grew, and the sober time became better equipped for life.
I had started to overcome the guilt, shame, and regrets that stay stuck to many addicts, long after they get sober. Because after all, the people we hurt along the way, is a list that’s long and deep. And everyone’s on it. From the dearest of loved ones, to the slightest of acquaintances.
With the assistance of those around me, the realization came to be, that my embarrassments, and shame across the board no longer had its killer grip across my throat.
I had been working hard on me, for a long time. As I was describing my current feelings with a therapist, she brought to attention, that the things I was saying, were the best forms of radical acceptance that she’d ever seen in me.
Now I had heard the term many times in my life, but it was never very clear to me, what it meant. It was a lot more than plain old acceptance. This was one of the strongest examples of self awareness and acceptance of being comfortable in one’s skin.
My sobriety and life in general began to stabilize in incredible ways. While I would always carry remorse for the rest of my life, I had finally learned that I did not have to be guilty or wallow in shame the rest of my life. I had paid my dues, paid my debt, and made my amends. Just because I did wrong, didn’t mean I had to be tortured for the rest of my life. If people couldn’t find it in their hearts to forgive me, that’s their decision. It’s their stuff. Not mine.
Once all of this came together, I saw that I was able to own my own story. Take it wherever I went, let all my vulnerabilities go, no longer to be hidden. Share my story for what it was. Accept the man I am. I was proud of all I had overcome. For the first time ever, I liked myself. The self loathing had lifted.
Life had become so good. And here’s the best example why. It didn’t matter what the world thought of me. It didn’t even matter if an enemy took all my mistakes and my secrets, and shared them to the whole world of facebook. If that ever happened, I would be okay with that. Because it’s no longer a secret. Everyone already knows all my worst. As well as my best.
Nothing can be shared with the world, that I haven’t already told the world myself.
That my friends is the purest form of radical acceptance that there is. And it’s a milestone that I have been able to reach. Even my worst days, are now manageable.
Michael Patanella
is a Trenton, New Jersey Author, Publisher, Columnist, Editor, Advocate, and recovering addict, covering topics of mental health, addiction, sobriety, mindfulness, self-help, faith, spirituality, Smart Recovery, social advocacy, and countless other nonfiction topics. His articles, publications, memoirs, and stories are geared towards being a voice for the voiceless. Hoping to reach others out there still struggling.
