Reframing perfectionism
I always thought that a perfectionist is someone who does everything in a meticulous way, without leaving space for imperfections.
However recently I realised I might have always misunderstood its real meaning.
The parallelism with competitiveness
- Would you like to join the tennis table tournament this summer?
- No thanks, I don’t like competitions.
- Oh wow, you’re so competitive!
If this conversation sound familiar to you, then you know what I’m talking about.
The most instinctive answer to that last comment would have been “I’m not competitive at all!” – with some resentment towards the person I’m talking to as well. The fact that I don’t enjoy tournaments always meant that I’m not a competitive person, since competitive people love competing. Perhaps the way I always interpreted this word has been misleading for my whole life.
Recently, I got invited to join a swimming competition on the campus where I live, by the swim coach who saw me swimming just once. At first, I was flattered by the invitation as I thought he must have seen some strengths in my swimming style.
But as I was considering more and more the possibility of joining it, the idea of not being a strong swimmer (I enjoy it but I’m certainly not a professional) and being certain not to be able to win or even arrive last grew in me.
I decided not to join.
The day of the competition came and at night I met one colleague who did participate. He said he arrived last, he hadn’t swum in a long time and was totally out of shape, yet he was happy and enjoyed it so much!
That conversation made me think. He truly enjoyed competing without winning, while I ended up not even joining because I was afraid of losing.
Am I the competitive one?
Perfectionism doesn’t mean doing everything perfectly
Like with the competitiveness, maybe I need to shift my point of view.
I never thought I was a perfectionist since I find that everything I do isn’t perfect.
Well, that’s probably the alarm bell! The fact that I focus on details and think that I could be doing much better, that I keep reworking on things until they’re “good enough”, and that they never end up being good enough for me, well, this should be telling me something.
