Relational Intelligence: The Secret to a Happier and More Successful Life
The ability to foster empathetic, authentic, and understanding relationships is the foundation for living happier, healthier and wealthier lives.
Studies show that people who have strong relationships tend to be healthier, wealthier, and happier overall.
We’re social beings by nature, and we thrive when we feel connected to others.
It is important that we are good at relating to others: Our lives and well-being depend on it.
This ability to relate to others deeply is what I call relational intelligence.
“We are relational creatures. All humans live in community and most people seek social interaction. In Western culture, isolation is seen as one of the most stringent of punishments. Even criminals do not aspire to solitary confinement.” ― Gary Chapman
What Is Relational Intelligence
Relational intelligence is the ability to connect deeply and authentically to other people.
It is the capacity to truly hear and see others, therefore strengthening connection with them.
People with high levels of relational intelligence prioritize care and compassion towards others, thus fostering an environment where people feel safe and at ease around them.
As a result, people with high relational intelligence know how to manage and navigate interpersonal relationships effectively. They do so in their personal, professional, and social lives.
These are self-aware people who understand their own emotions while being sensitive to the emotions of others. They also communicate their feelings clearly and honestly while showing empathy. Lastly, they are skilled at managing conflicts constructively and fairly.
Why Relational Intelligence Matters
Our inability to build and maintain meaningful relationships with others is pushing us further apart from one another.
The escalating difficulty in modern relationships to nurture compassionate connections is giving rise to a worldwide crisis of social isolation and loneliness, impacting both our mental and physical health.
“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of your sense of decency, your ability to think of others, your generosity.” ― Esther Perel
Being able to relate well to others is essential to living a happy life.
Unfortunately, like almost all other forms of intelligence RQ can be learned, practised and mastered.
How to Improve Relational Intelligence
1. Mindfulness
Studies have found a positive link between mindfulness and relationship satisfaction.
Research shows that even general mindfulness practices, not specifically designed for relationships, could enhance relationship quality.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness means focusing on what’s happening right now without judging it. It’s about being aware of our thoughts, feelings, and body sensations without letting them control us. Practices like meditation help practitioners develop this awareness and can make us better at staying focused, being kind to ourselves, and managing our emotions.
How does mindfulness benefit relationships?
Mindfulness offers multiple ways to improve our relationships:
- Enhanced communication: Mindfulness fosters active listening, empathy, and clearer expression of needs, leading to deeper understanding and connection.
- Improved conflict resolution: By being more present and aware of emotions during disagreements, we can engage in calmer, more constructive conflict resolution.
- Greater stress management: Mindfulness helps us manage stress effectively, reducing its negative impact on our relationships.
- Increased self-awareness: Mindfulness allows us to better understand our own triggers and reactions, facilitating healthier responses to otherwise triggering situations.
- Strengthened emotional regulation: With mindfulness, we learn to regulate our emotions more effectively, preventing them from dominating our interactions with others.
- Increased acceptance and compassion: Mindfulness cultivates non-judgmental acceptance of ourselves and others, fostering stronger bonds.
2. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is important for good and healthy relationships. When people forgive each other, their relationships tend to last longer and make them happier. Studies suggest that forgiving others without any conditions can even help us live longer lives.
Why forgiveness is important:
- People who practice forgiveness are more likely to have longer, happier relationships.
- Forgiveness helps us resolve conflict more effectively and reduces negativity.
- Forgiveness allows us to maintain positive motivation towards each other and avoid destructive behaviours that lead to cutting off connection to others.
- Self-forgiveness is also important, as it can lead to increased satisfaction and fewer negative thoughts.
How to practice forgiveness:
- Think about your goals: Aim for cooperation and shared understanding instead of competition and winning arguments.
- Emphasize empathy: Try to see things from the other person’s perspective and understand how your actions might be affecting them.
- Drop the case: Stop holding onto past grievances and focus on moving things forward.
- Silence your inner critic: Don’t listen to negative thoughts that tell you to punish or distance yourself from the other person. These are ultimately self-sabotaging and can result in more isolation and feelings of loneliness.
- Be aware of intimacy fears: Consider if your own anxieties might be pushing you away from other people.
- Avoid recreating old dynamics: Don’t project past experiences onto your current relationships.
3. Openness to the world, different people and different cultures
Being open to the world, different people and various cultures can greatly improve our relationships in many ways. It fosters stronger bonds by promoting curiosity, empathy, and understanding, leading to deeper connections with others.
Exposure to diverse perspectives encourages personal growth by challenging assumptions and expanding one’s worldview. This openness also helps us in conflict resolution by enhancing communication and facilitating compromise.
Moreover, it cultivates compassion and widens social circles by encouraging connections with people from different backgrounds.
Although exposing ourselves to different cultures has its challenges, such as navigating cultural differences and confronting personal biases, it is still worth it. It offers immense growth and enriches, colors and adds texture to our lives.
So go out and learn about different people and their cultures, and travel to new places.
Another way of remaining open to new people is to try to be more present in public spaces. Instead of being on your phone all the time, why not observe and pay attention to the people around you?
Be curious about people who are different from you and try to understand their lives and actions. Your life will be richer by doing so.
4. Listening deeply and fully
I’ll end with this wonderful quote by a wise elder:
“To listen is to lean in softly with the willingness to be changed by what we hear.”
― Mark Nepo
Sources:
- Geddes, L. (2018, March 22). Couples are healthier, wealthier. . . and less trim. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/apr/17/couples-healthier-wealthier-marriage-good-health-single-survey-research
- Umberson, D., & Montez, J. K. (2010). Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health policy. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 51(1_suppl), S54–S66. https://doi.org/10.1177/0022146510383501
- Social isolation and loneliness. (2024, February 6). https://www.who.int/teams/social-determinants-of-health/demographic-change-and-healthy-ageing/social-isolation-and-loneliness
- Karandish, M. (2019). The role and effect of mindfulness in intimate relationships. ANTIOCH UNIVERSITY, SANTA BARBARA. https://aura.antioch.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1593&context=etds
- Firestone, L., PhD. (2015, October 22). Forgiveness: the secret to a healthy relationship — PsychAlive. PsychAlive. https://www.psychalive.org/forgiveness-the-secret-to-a-healthy-relationship/
