Relationship: Handling A Break-Up
Being a parent is the most rewarding and difficult job in the world, especially as a single parent. Most of us want to find someone that we can fall in love with that will be amazing to our children as well. To find that perfect match for you and your child as well can be an extremely difficult challenge. I am going to take you through the last 4 years of my journey as a single parent looking for love, along with my latest relationship that doesn’t feel like it’s over. How do I handle this latest break-up? How did I stay single for so long and was it lonely? Let’s re-live my journey and how I handle love as a parent.
The Parents Split
Four years ago, me and my daughter’s mother split. To be honest, it was over for a few months before we separated. My little girl was 10 months old at the time so she would never know or remember her parents ever being together. This was something I never expected to happen considering we planned to get pregnant with her.
I sole-heartedly believe in working any issues out between parents or marriages, aside from cheating (which I consider a deal breaker). When all options have been exhausted and the relationship turns toxic, especially with children in the mix, I believe it’s best to go separate ways to better your lives as well as the children’s life. This is the course of action we took, for the betterment of ourselves and our daughter.
The break-up came with custody battles, child support, figuring things out again from a life standpoint and getting back on my feet. There really was no time to deal with a break-up emotionally. The best thing I could do is to never stop fighting for my daughter and to raise my daughter with understanding and love.
The 1st Relationship
I was in a quick relationship for the 3 months I was dealing with custody and visitation battles for my little girl. The girl I was with was also dealing with her father passing away. Needless to say, we both were going through the toughest times of our lives and it was never going to work out. We leaned on each other as long as we could, which helped me emotionally through the entire process.
When we broke up, it was do to unsettling reasons and I have never been so ugly acting in my life. I also have never had someone treat me so ugly, aside from 1 other person. I was ashamed of myself and I realized that the way I acted and the things I said wasn’t me, but instead was someone dealing with issues in court for his child…his whole world. I learned from this relationship and now, no matter the hardships I face, I have learned to keep my composure and stay true to myself.
Single for Way Too Long
After that first relationship, I stayed single for about 2 years. Was this a decision I made without lack of trying to find the perfect match…Nope. I went on countless dates and talked to numerous amounts of women, but to no avail. None of these women ever met my little girl! I believe that nobody I talk to should meet my little girl, unless it’s a play date with their child.
Out of dozens of dates and whatnot, the girls may have met the standards I set for myself, but fall short of the standards that I want for my little girl’s life. In these cases, I instantly let the woman know the reason I decide to stop talking with them. The reasons vary quite a bit, from: marijuana users, partiers, issues with children, cussing every other word, not wanting something serious, etc. This was a very lonely 2 years of my life, but I will never entertain a woman that I do not plan on a future with. I will be single forever before I allow someone not perfect for me or my daughter to come into the picture.
Finally, A Relationship
Around the beginning of fall in 2019, I finally found a girl that hit all of the checkmarks for my daughter and myself. She had a little boy close to the age of my little girl, was ambitious, pretty, and very family oriented. We talked for about a month and then decided to form a relationship.
The first five and a half months were amazing, until she started to change on me. She was introduced to my daughter in the 2nd month and my little girl instantly produced an amazing image towards everyone in our inner circle. Something about my little girl, she is very outgoing and well behaved so she tends to draw positive attention from most people she interacts with.
My little girl was getting bragged about by everyone and her little boy had behavioral issues, which tended to show in public and at home. Resentment started to build against my little girl, whom was 3 years old at the time. The resentment started to show in different subtle ways. After I started to pick up on this and talking with her about it, I packed my stuff and left her. My daughter always comes first and I want no part of someone that has resentment against a 3 year old that just wants to be everyone’s best friend.
How did I get through my first serious relationship since my little girl was born, after her mother? I slowly integrated my daughter into life as we knew it again and tried to not mention that relationship around her. The bond was never there between them anyway since the resentment was there towards my daughter. My heart was a little broke, but healed quite fast considering the reason I left her was how she acted towards my daughter in the end.
My Recent Heartbreak
After another 10 or so months single and not really looking, I came across one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever talked to. Her eyes were seductive, her accent was exotic, her composure was that of someone I had to get to know. As I got to know her more and more, I found that we are similar in so many ways, but different in just enough ways that it may just work.
This beautiful woman has a little boy about my daughter’s age and he fell in love with me, as I did him. She fell in love with my daughter after I finally let her get to know my little girl. Was this the match I’ve been waiting 4 years for?
Not only do I find her attractive beyond measure, I fell hard for her personality and mind even more. She is the total package. I was going to tell her on Christmas day that I fell in love with her. Sadly, we only lasted until the first week of December. Everything was perfect in our relationship up to that point, said the both of us. We made each other laugh, cuddling was so close, our intellectual conversations were just as interesting as our silly conversations. Her inner circle loved being around me and she was loved by my family.
Unfortunately, people that have came from toxic relationships tend to have mental walls that are hard for them to break down. When they finally find something they deserve and is perfect for them, they get scared and run because it’s not what they’re used to. It’s hard to be angry or blame them for this. One day, they’ll realize that they do deserve the best life possible. By then, hopefully, it’s not too late that you’re a memory instead of the one they try to get back.
Mental walls can show in several different ways. These walls can prevent someone from opening up, wanting something serious, or even once they start to fall in love with someone they could end up barricading their feelings to keep them from the possibility of getting hurt. As parents and for ourselves in general, we need to recognize that some people have these walls and be there for them, help them lower and remove those unhealthy walls. As parents and for ourselves, if you have those walls, you need to learn how to lower and remove them because they are unhealthy and can be toxic for you and your child’s life.
What Do I Do?
I have been running into several thoughts on what to do about this last relationship. As with my little girl, I am going to go the same route I did with the other relationship mentioned. For myself….what do I do? Since our relationship ended for reasons that shouldn’t have been reasons to begin with, do I run after her? I can go to her house and hopefully she will let me sweep her up off her feet and give her the most passionate kiss she’s ever had. Does this even work? It sounds like something from the movies, but something I desperately want to do!
Another option I have is to do nothing. I can give her the space she may need to be able to see what she is doing and come back to me. What if she doesn’t see this or takes too long to return to me that I only become a memory? This idea could go just as wrong as it could go right.
I am currently at a close on how to get her back. She has strong feelings for me, that is apparent from the way she looks and acts around me. She is just having an inner fight with herself. I want to let her know that everything is safe and will be okay being with me. I need her to know that there’s reasons I allowed her into my and my daughter’s life, when I denied dozens of other girls. I have a deep feeling that there’s something special about this girl and we are something special when we are together. What should I do?
