Six viewpoints I have about masculinity
In our society, I am learning how to be a man. Let me tell you this is a work in progress.
Growing up, I lived with my single mother and maternal grandma, whom I was close to. I never grew up in a household where a man was the head of the household.
Given that, I will describe the six things about my journey into masculinity.
- Decent listening
I am an okay listener but I can improve. At times, I can get easily distracted by sounds and thoughts. Being a good man demands that you be a good listener. Well, this is a good quality to have in general, but that is essential for a man to have.
Good listening says that you care about what the person is saying. It speaks volumes about you. This is something I want to work on because this skill is essential as a freelance journalist.
2. Uncertainty about what makes me a good man
This is a gray area for me. In society, you see various examples of what masculinity looks like. They are not all good. I struggle with what that looks like.
I tetter between ideals of being tough, taking charge, and caring for a family. I can’t see myself possessing any of these qualities.
3. Being honest
Honesty is the best policy, they say. This is true. Candor creates confidence and trust within relationships. According to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, confidence “is essential for social progress and development around the world.”
For me, honesty enables me to have trust in someone. I, on the other hand, can only be fully honest in my poetry and writing.
Verbal communication is a little different. I bestow a few details less than I want to explain because I am an unwilling communicator. My mother was quiet, so I repeat this same trait.
4. Confidence
My confidence is the Titanic. It floats, and then it sinks to the bottom. It is fleeting. As a man, I feel as if I should be more confident. That’s embarrassing to not have confidence.
I am insecure about my looks. Am I too ugly? Do I look like a foreigner? Maybe it’s something else?
Lack of confidence allows people to take advantage of you. People think like an opportunist. Well, not everyone, just some.
Being a man, you need to have confidence in the cold, cruel world. I wouldn’t want to be taken advantage of because of low self-esteem.
5. Being a gentleman
I don’t know what that even looks like outside of opening doors for women. Are there standards for being a gentleman? I don’t know.
I lived in a household with my maternal grandma and mother. My mother couldn’t disseminate this knowledge to me on how to be a gentleman. There was no bird and the bees conversation, but she gave me a book from the bookstore about puberty.
I had a porn addiction as a teenager. As I watched porn, I fantasized about having sex. Additionally, I would masturbate too. Sometimes, I would do it several times a day.
I wanted to act out what I saw, but I was too quiet to ask. My perspective on women is slanted from watching porn.
When I gained independence as an adult, I was desperate to lose the innocence I was holding on to for so long.
So, I hooked up with an escort. That became an addiction that I repeatedly went back to. Additionally, I went to strip clubs and ventured into similar activities.
I did it all to satisfy my flesh. Selfish I was.
So how can I be a gentleman if my perspective is negatively altered by porn?
6. Respecting myself
The fifth one flows into this one easily. Respecting myself is about how I treat myself.
Do I respect myself? I don’t show it. I waste my own time. I respect myself enough to go to the beach and escape the world to write poetry.
I beat myself up with the bouncing balls in my thinking box. The bouncing balls are a metaphor for my thoughts and the thinking box represents my mind.
Conclusion
A journey into masculinity is challenging, especially for me. For some, they don’t know what masculinity looks like. Just know everyone has a different view on it. Mine are being a gentleman,honesty, having self-respect, being confident, and being a good listener.
