So You Want More People To Listen To You?
All you have to do is use your opinion wisely.
Have you ever come across someone who has to have the final word in a conversation? Or worse, someone who is constantly interrupting you to give you their opinion?
It’s immensely frustrating.
And it’s what I consider to be an extreme version of a common trait that we all share as humans: our desperate need to be heard in life.
So if you ever find yourself struggling to command an audience or perhaps grab someone’s attention in a discussion, then you need to address this issue now. And especially before you turn into that person described above.
1. Accept What You Don’t Know, Work on What You Do
“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.”
― Daniel J. Boorstin
Our lives are surrounded by a plethora of information and a wealth of opportunities to learn from them. But who says we have to use them all? Who says we have to tell the world how much we know (or think we know for that matter)?
Nobody wants to listen to someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about. It’s a waste of everybody’s time.
The hidden truth with this concept is that we are all aware how impossible it is to know everything in life.
So by telling people what you think you know, you are defying the rules of the game, and letting your ego cloud your ability to have a real conversation.
2. Spend Your Time Wisely
“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
― Maurice Switzer
Once you’ve accepted that you can’t possibly know everything in life, spend the time educating yourself on topics that interest you.
If you love sports, and you love talking about sports, focus your attention on sports. Nobody wants to listen to a sports-enthusiast harp on about why they think the US economy is going to thrive next year.
I have economist friends for that pal.
3. Work on the Facts, then the Opinion
It is far more valuable to have a good opinion than any opinion at all.
What makes a good opinion?
Good question, my friend. It just so happens that Warren Buffett has the answer you’ve been looking for.
“We don’t read other people’s opinions. We want to get the facts, and then think.”
Before you run-off and try to apply this, you need to tread carefully.
The Sage of Omaha isn’t telling you to stop reading the opinion section of your daily newspaper. He is telling you to pause for a second as you do. And think about what makes those opinions worth reading.
It isn’t that you whole-heartedly agree with what you’ve just read. You might do, you might not. It’s that you are reading an opinion that is based on facts.
If you want to engage a reader, if you want to grab the attention of a listener, tell them what it is true, then tell them what you think.
Humans prefer to form their own opinion. It’s simply our way of defending our territory in this world. But to enter another person’s world, to capture their attention, you need to tell them the things they are already likely to know.
You’ll know this is working if they begin to nod their head in approval, or if they change their body posture as they pause to digest new information.
And once you’ve gained their trust that you aren’t desperately trying to have an opinion for the sake of having one, then you have gained their permission to tell them what you think.
Your voice will be heard. You just need to put in the hard work to get there.
4. To Give, You Must Be Willing To Receive
Do you want to know why someone who has to have the final word is so frustrating to deal with? It isn’t because they talk too much. It is because they weren’t listening to you when you were speaking.
Their mind was focused on trying to come up with something clever to say. They weren’t engaged at all.
The advice is simple. If you want people to listen to you, start listening to them.
At the end of the day, we are complex creatures. We don’t want to give you our time if you aren’t willing to give yours. It’s a tit-for-tat situation.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
- Dr. Stephen R. Covey
If you find yourself in a situation where you are struggling to listen because you are thinking about what next to say, keep a few go-to phrases in your back pocket. Some examples include: “that’s really interesting, I’d love to know more,” or my personal favourite, “you know what, I never thought of it like that.”
This will help you better relax your mind, and channel your energy towards the other person. And by giving your time towards other people, you’ll soon realise how willing they are to reciprocate.
Final thought
Getting people to listen to you isn’t about finding ways to impress others. It’s about finding ways to stay true to yourself.
Take the time to listen to your own voice, and the voice of others. Everything else will fall into place.
Thank you for reading and have a great day!
