So You Want to be Assertive. But What Does it Mean?
During conversations as a communication trainer, many of my clients tell me that one of the skills that they would like to have is to be assertive.
But what does that mean to be assertive? It means to be able to express our needs and wants openly, to be able to express our thoughts without reservations.
We want to say ‘no’ but we end up saying ‘yes’.
We want to show our disagreement, but we end up agreeing.
Why? Because we think what we say might displease or offend somebody.
So what is the solution?
We have difficulty being ‘assertive’ when we talk to positions and not to people.
Ideally, all communications between adults should happen on the level of equality, between one human being and another.
But, unfortunately, the world we live is hierarchical. Everyone is above somebody or below somebody. Even those who are in the same position as you may have a certain power advantage over you because of their characters, their proximity to the boss, and so on.
Well, the world is what it is, and we can’t change it. But we can always try to change ourselves. It is not as easy as it seems because this sense of hierarchy is deep-rooted inside us, and has been ingrained in us since very early times.
But it does not have to be very hard either.
So next time you talk to somebody (be it your boss, colleague, business partner, or even your spouse) see them as a person, not a position. The person has the same needs and wants as you, and so will be able to understand your needs and wants if you express them politely.
In short, always talk to people and not to positions.
