Spirituality Has Affected My Recovery and My Entire Life
just by introducing me to God, who never left me because I had left Him.
When I came into the Program of AA, I had no religious or spiritual knowledge.
My idea of God was one of a being in human form sitting on a golden throne “up there somewhere” judging and ordering punishment for transgressions that I may or may not have committed.
Then, through any ministers that I heard, we were asked and pleaded with to contribute generously and often because of this or that need or desire, to make the church more beautiful or to help the “needy.”
For many years, we were the “needy,” just not knowing it. What we did know was that we couldn’t afford to up our monetary ante, even if we wanted to.
These were the same ministers who wanted us to believe that, in order to communicate with God, we had to pray AND go through them to communicate with God.
So, when I came into the Program, I seriously hesitated when I first saw the references to God in the Big Book and the 12 Steps.
Then I heard from several of the members who I had known before they came into the program as hard drinking, hard fighting, hard everything just like me and were now telling me to relax.
They said that this was a spiritual program, not a religious program. I didn’t know what the difference was but I also recalled hearing How it Works read before every meeting
The 2nd paragraph said, “If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it,” then Come On Down. I was at my emotional bottom, not even knowing that there was hope for me, let alone assistance.
I wanted what they had and knew that I was willing to do ANYTHING, in other words, go to any lengths to get it. They also told me to Fake it till I made it so I did.
I faked believing that the Higher Power actually wanted to help me and was not going to judge me for my horrific past. I faked believing that He was actually going to forgive me for the past.
Very quickly, I noticed positive changes taking place in my life. I could go for longer periods of time without thinking of drinking. Many of the people around me, who I had considered a-holes, were turning into some pretty nice people, or at least tolerable.
I started feeling better about myself. That I was not lower than a snake’s belly. I had hope for maybe the first time in my life. It didn’t take long until I was no longer faking it. It was really working!
I was getting regular demonstrations that a Higher Power of some kind was working with and through me. God was not “up there somewhere,” He was in my own heart and the hearts of all.
With each revelation like this, I only hungered for more so I looked into the Spiritual angle even deeper and absolutely loved what I saw and was feeling.
My Higher Power, who I now choose to call God, was not “up there somewhere” judging and punishing me, he was in my heart working through me and everyone who I met.
I discovered that I didn’t have to like everyone, just as long as I loved them enough to see the Christ in them just like these former creatures that I was seeing at the AA meetings saw in me.
They gave themselves to me so that I could come up for air and see that I was not a worthless individual, only one who only wanted hope. Today, I offer to give whatever I can so that others may also see that there is hope.
Whodathunk that a word as short as HOPE would be so huge? You folks gave me hope and I want only that you can have it, not only as deep-seated as it is for me but even more for you.
If you want what I have AND ARE WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO GET IT, THEN COD! If I could do this, you can and will too if you are willing to go to any lengths to get it 24/7/365. Thank you, God!
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