Men and Their Habit of Staring At Women
An action meant to assert dominance and to remind us who the real boss is in the society.
Human neck has an astounding level of flexibility. A perfect example of this can be clearly seen on the roads of Pakistan, where the heads of most men religiously rotates whenever a target, as known as woman, is spotted in the vicinity. Those men are quite fair in their treatment of such women- old or young- all are fair game in their eyes. On the other hand, this blessing is granted without any defined class; young, old, poor, rich, even the bearded “respectable” men. They all show solidarity in this endeavor. This staring habit has become so common in our society that it has sadly become a norm. A moral deviation that has become part of our culture.
Whenever I happen to be out on a street, I am mentally prepared for the continuous torrent of gazes I am going to be subjected to. It never intimidates me but I have become genuinely curious about the thought process that goes behind those bulging, ever persistent roving eyes. At those times I wish I could read minds; to see all the complicated thoughts that converge to accomplish this unwavering and demanding task.
The unabashed, daring, often aggressive gaze is bold in its impunity. Why are most majority of men of South Asia afflicted with this deviation? What genetic make up set them apart from rest of the male population or is it more of a cultural thing? Culture of our continent may shed some light on this matter. The culture where women rights are suppressed in name of honor; where wife was expected to die on the pyre of her dead husband; where she is married off to a holy book so that her inheritance can stay safe in family; where she is passed onto her husband’s younger brother in marriage after his death, like property; where she is taught to lower her eyes and her standards so that she can better serve her new family after marriage; where her voice is ignored when her husband wants to marry second or third time to a younger woman; where the first and last lesson she is taught, is to sacrifice her own ambition and happiness for the happiness of her brother, husband, and then children. A culture riddled with so many tumors that small sores go unnoticed, until they slowly seep into our daily life and become part of culture. All these norms are usually underlined with deep rooted patriarchy and blatant sexism.
In the times of global revolution, where women have finally broken through the holds of the system and they are speaking out against the toxic societal norms, the male dominance has to evolve against that which threatens it. They want a power move to show who runs the society.
Its refreshing to see both men and women walking side by side, working together to achieve common goals, and earn a living. Men assured in their masculinity view it with positive attitude. But the insecurities of lesser men view this as personal offence and a threat to their centuries old built patriarchal hold that has reigned uncontested over the society until now. When an animal feel threatened it lashes out in a desperate attempt to fight it, similarly these men vent their frustration and insecurity through any and all means available to them.
A confident woman leaving the walls of her house out into the world is seen as a trespasser; a rebel who will topple their power structure that has given them god complex over them. The fear that their subjects, as known as women, will leave this hold scares them and make them feel even more inferior than they usually do. All these insecurities translate into absurd and sometimes threatening reactions towards these “rebellious” women.
In animal behavioral studies, the constant gaze is considered a warning, a dominant move displayed by alpha males against other males that trespass on their territory. In context of our society this gesture takes on a more malicious role of degrading the one being stared at. It is meant to subjugate and warn women to behave. For years this deviation has been viewed by women as an undesirable side effect of going out into men’s world. But now, finally, the wind is changing here too. The women have realized that such actions have to be put to rest and they are finally speaking up against such toxic cultural norms. I have witnessed many instances where the guilty person was approached by the women he had been ogling, and was put in his place right away. In most of the cases the men caught were baffled by the reaction. Their faces say it all. What did they do to be called out and humiliated like that in public? How dare they question their freedom? Then rarely, very rarely, the realization dawn on them which then gradually turns into shame and then translates into a mumbled apology for the act.
This sore may seem difficult or even impossible to cure but in reality, it is very fragile and when faced with smallest resistance it can easily topple off and break into tiny pieces. But for that to happen, the change must come from within. Silence does nothing but perpetuates the status quo, and the only way to wage war against such customs is to speak out, not only for ourselves but also for our sisters. Show solidarity against such toxic cultural norms that only serve to subjugate us. We make culture, we have the power to change it too.
