Stop Praying the Gay Away

And Start Praying for Your Heart Instead

Teresa Kuhl
Apr 21 · 4 min read
Photo by Jaclyn Moy on Unsplash

It’s time to stop spending your prayer time asking for your LGBTQ loved one to wake up straight. You only wind up filled with anguish and pain, which your human mind turns that pain into anger instead of helping you find a way to keep your family from imploding in such a difficult time.

If you’re like me, when you first learned someone in your family is gay, lesbian or transgender, you hit your knees. You poured out your pain in tears and pain. You cried out to God and empathized with Job. You might have even suggested Job’s struggles were nothing compared to how you felt.

You may be continuing in this vein of begging God to touch the immortal soul of your loved one who is in such darkness. I understand exactly why you see this as your duty when you’re on your knees. It is exactly what many of us are taught to do.

We see David in the Old Testament, Paul in the New. Jesus himself anguished before His Father asking for release. There is nothing wrong with that. We need strength as we strive for wisdom in a situation that feels this devastating.

When my grandson first came out as transgender, I hit my knees with my Bible and didn’t do much else for months. I cried, hoping the stream of my tears could wash away that pain in a shower of mercy.

The more I focused on the passages of scripture that are generally associated with any type of sexuality other than the male/female monogamous relationship, the more my anguish was built inside my being.

The pain was excruciating to think this precious child was now to be shunned and disavowed. Was I no longer supposed to be my first-born grandchild’s cheerleader and biggest fan?

Photo by Obi Onyeador on Unsplash

It was clear to me that the only way I could be true to every part of myself- God, my child, my grandchild, myself, my family- the only way was if I were to learn to love in a greater way. I learned a powerful lesson. Ready?

And here’s the kicker. We know that. I knew it; you know it. When we truly want to follow the God of our beliefs, we know we each have plenty for God to do in US before we are living the way he desires. (Don’t run if you don’t identify with the word God or the pronoun He, please. Just read what fits for you.)

I started simply asking God to show me what my job was here. Where is my mission field? Am I supposed to turn my very thick and heavily marked-up Bible into a weapon of truth and pound some scripture in this kid’s head? Shave my head and wear a sackcloth? Move to a nunnery?

Amin Hasani Unsplash

I’m pretty sure God was rather amused that I was still such a child when it comes to understanding love. After assuring me that he had plenty of Bible-thumpers and preachers when He chose to use them, that isn’t what He asked of me. In fact, my job was one I knew how to do quite well.

“Love her. Love her. Love her.” As I learned what He expected of me, the words changed to “Love them. Love them. Love them.” Finally, “Love him. Love him.” I was about to get a whole new lesson in love.

As I continued to seek that quiet time in my soul to connect with my God, I continued to understand that love really does cover ALL things. And as I allowed the love to build in me, I began to gain my voice. I began to speak out loud in support of the LGBTQ community. I began to support a group of LGBTQ refugees in Kenya with love and acceptance. I began to tell my story to help others see they do NOT need to remain in anguished prayer because someone they love lives differently than they live.

As the love in your heart increases, I have a bonus tip for you.

BONUS TIP: Increase the love and connection within your family by increasing your understanding of the world your loved one lives in every day.

When you click right here, you can start the process of gathering information to be able to communicate respectfully and lovingly with your person.

Thanks for reading!

You can learn more about me right here

And you can find out why becoming an ally meant so much to me when you start with this story here

And my passion for helping LGBTQ refugees in Kenya began here:


We curate outstanding articles from diverse domains and…

Teresa Kuhl

Written by

Are you struggling to support your LGBT loved one as a true ally? I can help! Let’s do this together!


We curate and disseminate outstanding articles from diverse domains and disciplines to create fusion and synergy.

Teresa Kuhl

Written by

Are you struggling to support your LGBT loved one as a true ally? I can help! Let’s do this together!


We curate and disseminate outstanding articles from diverse domains and disciplines to create fusion and synergy.

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