Struggles of an Introvert

Photo by Kevin Curtis from Unsplash

Don’t smile

Don’t laugh, that wasn’t funny

[in one’s imagination, splashes water on their face]

Oh my god… what do I say now?

We’re just talking, I’m just talking to people, this is just a conversation

This shouldn’t feel like I’m trying to solve a physics problem that’s been unsolved for 200 years

Oh my god! Why aren’t you saying anything

Everyone’s such a natural at this, but me

They don’t have to fake it or doubt themselves. Words just come out like magic, and cast a spell

Effortlessly attractive and charming

[Awkward silence amplifies]

Nobody has anything to say… for right now

Oh no, the talking ensues

Should I comment on that?

Will they be offended? What isn’t offensive to say?

Don’t do that, stop cutting people off. LET THEM FINISH!

Are there more people coming tonight? Got to start planning

an escape route now.

[eyes pen and paper without drawing too much attention to oneself]

It’s so hard reading people sometimes

Maybe that’s why I prefer books

Where’s the alcohol? Where’s the river I can drown myself in?

We’re in the high desert

where are the forest fires that can’t recover my body?

Oh my god, you’re talking. And people are listening.

And they’re engaged. They don’t look pissed off, or annoyed, or like they

can’t be bothered.

Maybe people’s attention spans haven’t been obliterated

You’re being funny, you’re being amusing, entertaining, interesting

I didn’t think you had this in you. Neither did I, aha!

I’m tired of having to put on this performance

I hardly liked reading Shakespeare when I was in school

I don’t want to read from this script, or any script

Whoever’s the director here, they’re fired

I want to go with the flow and not end up with water

that’s fluoridated or backed with animal byproduct

I want a lot of things

and at the end of the day

it’s not anyone else’s job to fulfill them

Oh wait… shut up, Justin, for one minute. Hunter’s talking

Listen to your best friend and be present. He’s the only reason you’re here.

One of the few lifelines you have

[runs to the gas station to buy some liquor]