Suicidal?
Speak up! Ask for help!
Any discussion of suicide requires extreme caution. The specter of suicide has touched the lives of many and haunts both the living and the dearly departed. Thus, I state at the outset, if you start to read my story, please read it all the way through so that you do not lose sight of nor take anything out of context. This story does not glorify suicide. It abhors it and my intent and purpose are suicide awareness and prevention.
My experience with suicidal thoughts isn’t the type where one feels a need for or urge to end one's life. My thoughts were gentle, passive, and while regular, were yet fleeting wishes for opportunistic death — even having flashes of gruesome scenarios without doing anything actively to see that happening or make it happen. These are not what people generally think of as suicidal thoughts. They were not what psychologists and psychiatrists call suicidal ideations. Yet, I suspect they are more prevalent than people admit.
That to me is one of the most difficult things anyone can go through. The being utterly consumed by fear of living another minute, craving an end to all (at this point the world is the bleakest place) yet to be totally powerless and helpless even in that. For not only do I believe absolutely in eternal misery for the one who commits suicide but no amount of depression could take that (belief)…
