Jan 30, 2022
Talk About It
I said, “Grandma, that’s my boyfriend.”
She said, “he looks like one of the guys from Columbine.”
At 22, I won’t say she’s wrong but at 14, I wouldn’t admit that she was right.
Trench coat with a side of rage that would teach me to be terrified
My mom said that my dating life was in her hands because it was foreign to my dad
He said, “You deal with it.”
If it were up to him, he would have shut it down.
Wondering is wasted time but I wonder who I would be now.
Against my nature and my culture, I shared what went on at home
Told my guidance counselor, but in that office, I may as well have been alone
She said, “have you tried writing your dad a letter?”
Could have saved myself a trip and probably would have felt better
I said, “Best friend, that’s my boyfriend.”
She said he was out of line
I thought that she was a hater
Turns out that she saw the signs
One by one I lost the people that I used to call my friends
Couldn’t stand to watch me fly down what they knew was a dead end
Got so bad that I can’t talk about it with my family
Relatives on zoom calls who don’t even know that I was married
Children watch what’s being done before they’ll even hear you
Talking out of both sides of your mouth,
Asking why I won’t come near you
I grew up in the suburbs where we abuse each other on quiet streets
Won’t pretend I grew up in the city,
Suburbia helped him do what he did to me
They say “my child does it better”
Say “my child’s going to Yale.”
Talk about rental homes in the neighborhood
And houses on the market for sale
God forbid if the value of your house goes down
Know a kid who drove his parents’ car into a lake and drowned
Even when the collateral damage is death, even still,
Nobody wants to talk about it now
We know that he beats his wife,
But they live out of state and that’s their life
All she can do is say good night til he doesn’t wake up in the morning
My blood is running all around, child welfare makes not a sound
Live out of the country, forget out of town
What am I supposed to do now?
Too old for board games but your life is a charade
Who will you pretend to be today?
Everything means nothing if you can’t see what you’re working for
That’s why you have two daughters, one smoking, sipping, one divorced
You won’t find it living like this if it’s joy that you’ve been looking for
