The Art of Forgiving

How to forgive and rebuild yourself in a relationship.

Ravin Rau
5 min readMar 29, 2021


Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Forgiving someone is difficult, especially when they make you go through tremendous hardship and suffering. It could be with them tarnishing your name, spreading rumors, or even your close friend backstabbing your trust for their benefits.

Getting such a worst experience would always make us think that getting revenge is much more satisfying as we can see them suffer. Yet there are times we heard people are happy after forgiving, and we wonder how.

The Story That Leads Me to Understand Forgiveness

After the dramatic incident that leads me to my suicidal thought (check out the story here), I decided to take revenge on the person who made me go through the suffering. My close friend and I came up with plans to spread rumors and to tarnish their names. We had awful ideas to make sure that we label them b****, and on the day we decide to execute the plan, I backed off.

After the traumatized incident, everything was back to how it used to be, but I wasn’t completely happy. There was a vague feeling in me. Something dissatisfied, which I assume was the anger I had towards the person who made me suffer.

I thought when I had my revenge, this vague feeling will disappear. But every time my close friend and I planned something wrong, the dissatisfaction feeling becomes worst. Every time I am alone, my intuition reminds me not to execute the plans.

I am a very strong believer when it comes to my intuition. Frankly, that was the only reason I backed off the plan. My close friend was shocked and furious when I told him to stop what we were doing. I explained to him about the intuition and the feelings that I had. He laughed, asked me if I am planning to forgive them. That was the moment it clicked, the realization and the answer to my vague feeling.

Forgiving comes from accepting what had happened and removing the anger towards the person who made a mistake. Forgiving is not easier said than done, but with these few tips, you will start on your journey towards forgiveness.

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1. Change Your Perspective and Put Yourself in the Shoes of the Wrongdoer

There is always a reason for what had happened. Most of the time, we take things personally when someone attacks us or spreads rumors about us. We fight fire and fire and often make things worse. Before we know, the damage caused is bigger than what it initially would have been.

No one in this world is born evil or has the wrong intention towards other people. It is a collective of bad experiences that leads them down the wrong path. The wrong decision that they take is fueled by their fear or anger towards their experiences. By understanding this, we can try to sympathize and be more compassionate with what they have done.

Doing this doesn’t make what they have done right, but at least it takes away the feeling that their actions were personally directed to you.

When you are able to put yourself in their shoes and have an understanding of what they have been through, you will be able to forgive them more easily.

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2. Focus on Yourself and Feel Gratitude

Some bad experience is not easily forgiving, experiences like losing trust, and being backstabbed by someone close to you will give a very impactful moment/pain to you. For some, those are the time when they hit their lowest point of life, and often when we reach our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.

Giving in to the negative energy and fighting more with them will only make you lost your true self. Instead, you get to decide how much or how little these things contribute to the person you are busy becoming. Bad experiences don’t leave us with wrong consequences. Be wise to allow a hurtful experience to change you to become the better version of yourself.

Thinking back, I am happy that I backed off the plan as I would have regretted wasting/ destroying someone’s life just for my so call satisfaction. Make your revenge by becoming the best version of yourself, and you will have a happier and feel much more grateful for what you are going through.

Photo by Nils Stahl / Unsplash

3. Learn From the Lessons/Experiences You Been Through

When you are going through a bad experience, remember that life is always teaching you something. Don’t create a perception that you are a victim of a bad experience but be the student and try to understand the essence of life teaching.

What I always do when I go through a bad experience is to analyze the whole situation again. Understand the red flags that occur and understand what I am going through at the moment. I usually do this while taking a walk in a park.

Sometimes isolation will enable you to think more in-depth. You can also share this with your trustworthy friend and get advice from them. With this knowledge in mind, you will be able to withstand/ overcome other bad experiences in the coming future.

The Conclusion

The art of forgiving is to make sure that our mind is at peace and our relationship with others strengthens even better. If you feel unable to forgive, make a pact with yourself to refuse to act on your anger, and in time forgiveness will follow.

Frankly, it takes less energy to forgive than it does to stay angry and resentful. During your last breath, I am sure no one will think, “I wish I’d stayed angry longer”.

To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness. — Robert Muller



Ravin Rau

Curiosity makes exploring more interesting. A JavaScript avid with so many questions about life.