The Dark Side Of Posting On Social Media
You post on social media in search of social validation, but all you find is a cheap imitation.
Origin Of The Idea
Eight months ago, I stumbled across an incredible woman who later I somehow convinced to date me. I bring her up, because although in her early twenties like me, she was never tempted to use social media and hence never touched the stuff. This was a real point of interest to me because of how remarkably rare it was, and I made a real point of diving into her thought process and justifications behind why she was so against its use. It was due to these long conversations, and various months of reflection and development of those ideas, that I can finally articulate my reasoning behind why I have virtually stopped using all social media after years of use.
I’m going to be breaking this up into two parts, in which I break down the various and significantly detrimental side effects of content ‘creation’ and ‘consumption’ of social media, in particular: Snapchat, Instagram, Tiktok, and the like.
The Dark Side Of Content Creation
We are social creatures by nature and thus have developed complex physiological reward mechanisms that dictate our need for social interaction. This is because evolutionarily, it was advantageous to develop a biological mechanism that would encourage human cooperation, thus leading to a greater chance of survival. The effect is that hit of “feel-good” hormones like dopamine and oxytocin you get when you interact and subliminally receive validation from your social group. The inverse is also true, making you feel sad and lonely when lacking validation or approval from peers. Because of this, it’s safe to say our self-esteem is directly linked to the social approval we receive.
When using social media to post a picture or video, we are putting ourselves out there for judgment. This is in the hopes of gaining that much-desired validation, which on social media takes the form of likes, follows, and comments. The longer and more frequently you do this, the greater the value you’re placing on these arbitrary metrics, and the more you tie your personal self-esteem to them. This is a dangerous game because now you’re putting the value of your self-worth and by implication your mental health, at the mercy of these arbitrary figures that deep down you know represent nothing more than the half-second it took someone to like it. The reward system your body has to encourage social interaction is complex, and tapping into that same reward system by substituting real human interaction with the poor imitation of creating content on social media, will lead to nothing but unhappiness.
Expanding on this idea, comments expose us to much more criticism than we expect. People will make unwarranted and distasteful comments online, that they would never say to your face. This is because communicating through a phone screen completely dehumanizes the interaction. The problem is that the recipient places the same value on the comment online, as they do a genuine comment in person. However, personal criticism online (particularly if anonymous) does not have the same value as in real life, because it bypasses all the human elements of the interaction, making it so easy to hand out that it’s practically meaningless. Unfortunately, it’s simply human nature to pay greater attention to the bad than the good; and the point is that creating content on social media inherently exposes you to more of that ‘bad’.
Additionally, chasing the ‘good feeling’ of validation by posting more content, only diminishes how good it feels as you get used to it and build up a tolerance. This is the same negative feedback loop that drives people into drug addiction, and it could be argued that it’s a similar system that gets people hooked to posting on socials.
In conclusion, the pleasant feeling you get from a positive response to creating content on social media inadvertently ties your self-esteem and mental health to meaningless arbitrary metrics, that lead down a road of unhappiness. Part of this is the greater potential exposure to negative criticism that you overvalue. Moreover, posting in order to feel good due to the subliminal validation leads down a road that draws some parallels to addiction.
At the end of the day, your self-esteem should primarily come from a place of within; it should come from a place of personal confidence and competence. And the significant part of your self-esteem tied to external validation should be derived from real and human social interaction, rather than the cheap imitation that taps into the same physiological reward systems.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this piece, I hope you gained some kind of insight from it. If you enjoyed it and want to see more, give me a few claps and a follow. It really encourages me to keep doing what I love. If you agree or disagree, leave a comment, and let’s talk about it.
If you want to read some more thought-provoking work from me, why not try out: The Most Effective But Unspoken Motivator or You Don’t Understand Money Until You Work Minimum Wage.
I want to start using this platform as a way to spread some love to other small but talented writers, so if you have 3min why not try out: A Simple Acronym To Help You Choose Your Side-Hustle by Archie.Codes.
That’s it for now, have great rest of your day.
