ILLUMINATION
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ILLUMINATION

The Flaw in Living a Goal-Oriented Life

An essay. A rant. A stream of consciousness

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything on Medium. There are a lot of ideas and stories in my head which I want to share but I just cannot sit still and write. Is it because I’ve moved to a new place?

Or it is because there’s a lot to do at work? I’m not sure. One thing I am sure about is how worthless I feel these days. Even though I have achieved my personal goals like hosting a book talk, giving a speech at my toastmaster’s club, completing the work assigned at the office.

I still feel worthless. There is an emptiness in me. A lot has changed since I moved to my new apartment. I no longer live with my parents, but I see them every day because my new apartment is on the same floor of the same building as my parent’s.

I use my phone at night and in the early hours after waking up, this is something I never did when I lived with my parents. I eat chips and Oreos in the morning. Although there is nobody to scold me for that, I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong. Maybe because I really am!

A change in habits is another reason for the strange feeling of hollowness. I really have to work on becoming self-disciplined again.

But some things have changed for the better. For example, my new home is very peaceful. I have more space than I did before, but I haven’t figured out what to do with it. This is also something I have to figure out… but I can’t stay still and do anything because I think about everything!

It is like all my life I lived on Mars; I adapted well and lived well, but suddenly I’m in Jupiter! Am I low-key panicking? Maybe yes.

It is getting harder for me to do the things I really really want to do. It was easy in my old house. So, did I lose my motivation or habits? How do I build them from scratch?

Well, this is the flaw in living a goal-oriented life. When you aren’t achieving your goals, you feel devastated and empty. The bridge between you and the successful version of you seems infinite.

Personal goals or purpose in life give you unwavering concentration, an increase in willpower, and lots of dopamine. The lack of dopamine is why I cannot live in peace until I do the work I want to.

I simply cannot abandon those ideas, dreams and muses who come to me. So, I have to set a new goal of building a routine in my new place.

P.S. Comment down below if you ever felt this way in a new place.

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Shreya Sinha

Shreya Sinha

666 Followers

Programmer on weekdays, Creative writer on weekends. New content every Friday. Connect with me: https://linktr.ee/ShreyaSinha