The Golden Rule of Building Unshakeable Self-Confidence
Keep the promises you make to yourself
“Keep the promises you make to yourself.” — Ed Mylett
There is only one hard and fast rule of building unshakeable self-confidence.
The kind of self-confidence that provides unwavering trust and belief in yourself. The kind of self-confidence that allows you to face every single challenge life throws at you, and to thrive in the process. The kind of self-confidence that allows you to manifest the life you have always dreamed of.
And it has nothing to do with the clothes you wear or standing tall, or grooming yourself, or giving yourself a pep talk.
Those methods are cheap. And cheap never gets you very far.
They are merely situational confidence boosters. Skin deep at best. And they fail to maintain their self-confidence boost outside of these particular situations.
The key to building unshakeable self-confidence requires much more than a surface level adjustment.
You’ll have to go deep. And I am going to take you there. I am going to show you the path to building unshakeable self-confidence.
A desire to change
Have you ever met someone who didn’t desire to see a positive change in their lives?
Who didn’t have a dream for a better life?
Who didn’t have a vision of a brighter future?
I haven’t either.
It’s human instinct to desire a life that is better than our current situation. We are wired for improvement. Self-improvement and otherwise.
We are constantly cooking up bright ideas for bettering our lives. From diet changes to meditation practices to correcting our spending habits to trying new exercise routines.
You name it, we are always seeking improvement.
It is in these moments of desiring change, of planning for self-improvement, and most importantly, initiating a promise to ourselves to make the change, that we have a rare opportunity to build a foundation of self-confidence.
But more often than not, we miss these opportunities because we don’t follow through on these promises.
And worse yet, we don’t even recognize that this opportunity exists. So we continue digging a hole of self-doubt instead of building a foundation of self-confidence.
Making promises
Rarely do we outright make a promise to ourselves. By this I mean, we generally don’t make concrete statements that start with “I promise to ______.”
Not only does it sound odd to say this, but making promises to ourselves usually comes in more indirect phrasing. Such as…
“I’m going to stop smoking cigarettes.”
“I’m gonna start exercising again.”
“I’m not going to have a midnight snack before bed anymore.”
And you wouldn’t think it to look at these statements, but these are promises you have made to yourself in hopes of achieving some level of self-improvement. Of fulfilling your dreams of a brighter future.
These simple promises, however small or trivial they may seem, are the opportunities to build that self-confidence foundation.
But how often do you go back on your word?
Did you actually stop smoking cigarettes?
Did you start exercising again?
Did you have that midnight snack after all?
Maybe you just laid in bed chainsmoking cigarettes and eating an entire tub of mint-chocolate chip ice-cream like me. ;-)
Letting yourself down
Breaking these promises is a slippery slope to a pit of self-doubt.
Over time, failing to keep the promises you make to yourself unconsciously leads to believing that your goals and dreams and desires for a better life are unattainable.
That it is okay to let yourself down. To give up on your dreams.
And you have collected so many personal reference experiences throughout the years of not following through on your word that you have destroyed your self-confidence.
So why try at all, right?
Why try when you have developed a state of learned helplessness?
Whatever you do, don’t give up.
Do this instead….
Start small
Brick by brick, the foundation of self-confidence is built on the promises you make to yourself.
And just like every foundation that has been built throughout history, it starts with small, unexciting steps that appear inconsequential at first glance.
It’s not sexy, or showy, or even something that garners much attention or praise. Most people just want to see the finished building. Who cares about the foundation, right?
You do.
So when you promise yourself that you will start every single day with a healthy green smoothie instead of a Chocolate, Boston Cream-filled Long John, (which you deeply love) you keep the promise.
You wake up an extra five minutes early to make it happen.
And every single morning thereafter, when you could just as easily slide through the Dunkin’ drive-through for your doughnut fix, you opt for the healthy green smoothie again.
Brick by brick, smoothie by smoothie, the foundation of self-confidence is built.
So that when you are out of town on a business trip and have to drive to Smoothie King to get your fix, (because not even a crazy person brings their Vitamix with them on the road) you have built a strong enough foundation that you keep your promise to start your day with a healthy green smoothie.
And in these moments, the split second where you make the decision to keep your promise to yourself instead of making an excuse, is the exact moment that self-confidence is built.
Building the foundation
“Self-confidence is self-trust” — Ed Mylett
At first, it may feel as if maintaining your morning smoothie routine isn’t building any self-confidence. But it is. You are slowly creating layers of reference experiences in which you have followed through on your promise to yourself.
You have finally developed self-trust. You know that you will follow through. This knowing, this certainty, is what it feels like to have self-confidence.
To trust and believe in yourself.
So that later on when you decide to level up your healthy lifestyle habits, you know with absolute certainty you will stick to them. No matter what.
Unshakeable self-confidence
“Keeping our promises is key to experiencing life as we dream it can be. That’s what empowers us to dream big, to grow into and occupy that dream, and then to outgrow that dream and dream even bigger dreams. And in the process, gain all of the approval we will ever need — our own.” — Rob White
Great things have humble beginnings.
Once you have learned to keep your promises to yourself and built a foundation of self-confidence, you are free to grow from there. To build the life you desire. To fulfill the dreams you have dreamt a thousand times before.
To live audaciously.
It all begins with the golden rule of building unshakeable self-confidence:
“Keep the promises you make to yourself.” — Ed Mylett
Thanks to Ed Mylett for inspiring this article.
