Published in


The Heaviest I’ll Ever Be Again

An Author’s Overweight Essay

mojzagrebinfo; Pixabay

Sometimes it is those toughtest, most heartbreaking moments within us, that end up being the catalyst for something else, that at first seems like an impossible destination. A moment in time where we are triggered, and it immediately becomes up to us to determine how we will let that trigger effect us. A line in the sand must be made. Because the deadline has long since passed.

I have had my ups and downs with weight struggles, normally the higher end of the scale being the extreme side. I was once a half marathon runner, in a process that lead me to losing 110 lbs in about 15 months. It was just insane.

I had seemingly accomplished the impossible, taking the same kind of effort that getting sober from heroin and cocaine needed. But it was that vice of addiction that would bring me to a relapse that set off a hundred terrible things. Including my neglect to my healthy lifestyle when it came to eating and exercising.

Account — ID 272447; Pixabay

While I was able to get a new grasp on sobriety a few years ago, I still chose unhealthy eating around every corner. Countless warnings from doctors, therapists, family member all went disregarded. I was sick of hearing it.

I proved in the past that I was a pro at getting healthy and fit. I was just choosing to not go that route. And up went the weight, to the absolute heaviest, that I’ve ever climbed to.

Everything seemed out of whack.

My bloodwork was terrible, with sugar, cholesterol, and blood pressure all reaching astronomical levels. I began having sleep apnea. For the first time in 43 years of living. Which was very sad, but how could I be surprised?

Everything has been spiralling out of control for a while now. But it was a moment in time yesterday, that may have just been that “it” factor for me.

Tumisu; Pixabay

I saw a picture of me from a memorial day holiday dinner this past weekend, and I looked like an absolute blob. Like a blimp. I felt like crying when I saw it. Maybe I even did a little bit. I was mortified and embarrassed, and I could only imagine the thoughts from my people when this photo was seen. Even the nice people.

There is no exaggeration here.

To put it in perspective, it actually looked like a prank photoshopped picture of a very gigantic body, with my head and face. It looked fake. It didn’t look like me.

Unfortunately, it was me. And it is me. And I felt a feeling, that I never want to feel again. It was one of the saddest days I have had in awhile. However, the taking of that picture, may end up becoming one of the most important moments in my life, in a very long time. Because it triggered me for sure. The trigger is in my hands, and it’s up to me, to take it from here.

mojzagreb info; Pixabay

Today, I’m going back to square one. It’s the first day, of the rest of my life. This upsetting moment yesterday, was the tough lesson that I seemed to be waiting for.

Like I said, I’m a pro at this. The proof is in the past. I’m going to put forth the best effort I can, to start working on losing pound number one. I can’t live like this anymore. Because I probably won’t live long anyway, if I don’t do something now.

-Thank you for reading.

-Michael Patanella; Publisher, Editor, Author.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store