The Hidden Truth of an Introvert in the Workplace
Some of us may seem outgoing, friendly, and enthusiastic in the workplace but are secretly introverted. It's not fake; It's survival.
The workplace has become a place biased to benefit those with extroverted characteristics, making it hard for the average introvert to want to come into work to make a living.
Things like open-concept offices, brainstorm meetings, micro-management, collaborative work, etc. are all pitfalls for an introvert in the workplace.
A 2018 study by the Center for Economic Behavior and Inequality suggests that extroverts make more money than introverts. It is easy to understand why that is so, as communication skills are the basis of career success.
Like me and many others, introverts have learned to mimic extroverts’ behaviors to fit into the role of “team player” (as most job descriptions require). Or not to seem snobby, but mainly to survive and strive in the workplace.
I see the inequality between behavioral types in the workplace and also apparent in schooling environments. It has become difficult for introverts to maintain energy throughout the day. Still, it is not necessarily a bad thing for their self-development.
Introverts get exhausted from regular social and group activities.
I am an introvert who is optimistic and has practiced the skill to mimic an extrovert since early schooling.
In the 90s, when I was in primary school, everyone had their little group of friends that they would meet up with for recess and lunch, at “their spot” every day.
It was quite awkward for me to sit alone outside of my classroom door, eat lunch, and wait for the siren to ring for everyone else to rush back to class.
People were staring at me for being a “loner” as they walked past, and I did not make any friends. I remember the awkward feeling and cringe every time I think about it, even to this day.
Introverts get lonely too sometimes.
I realized back then that the environment I was in favored the importance of conversing and making friends. If you didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb, you needed to play the part and blend in. Ironically, the person who is alone is the one that stands out.
When I turned eight years old, I had earned my black belt in Tae Kwon Do, which indirectly helped me meet my first best friend. He was getting bullied by a group of kids for being a loner, and I implemented my self-defense skills to diffuse the situation.
We got along quickly after that because we understood each other for being introverted. We would meet every day for recess and lunch outside the library, talk, laugh, then sit next to each other silently and watch the other kids play on the playground.
He taught me a precious lesson on how to converse with others to make friends as an introvert or with introverts’.
Introverts don’t mind brief conversations, but don’t like long conversations.
The end of primary school came, and I had made many new friends. I would laugh out loud at people’s jokes, talk enthusiastically, and even learned public speaking to get into the student council. I had successfully learned to blend in with extroverts.
I carried on like this throughout high school to where I became the school’s Head Boy (school prefect) from student votes and had mastered the art of mimicry.
As soon I got home from school, I needed to hide away in my room to be alone and watch anime for the rest of the night; only came out to eat and go toilet. My parents knew I was not particularly eager for conversation. They would let me spend my time at home alone, without them thinking something was wrong with me.
When my friends would ask me to come over to their house after school or on weekends, I used to make up stories like my mum had grounded me to convince them I needed to stay home.
Introverts need their alone time, especially after long periods of being around people.
Going into University, I could be more of my reserved self and avoided any communication with my peers unless I had group assignments or had to do public speaking.
I found that there were others like me at the group assignment meetings. They would speak only when needed too, then put their heads down to write at other times.
Introverts dislike irrelevant small talk like “hey did you hear about that music festival coming? Are you going?”. No, we are not going! We will be at home writing/reading on Medium.
Coming into the workforce, I was back into full-time extrovert mode. I had to if I wanted to be successful as an engineer. All the job descriptions mention they were looking for a team player, passionate worker, contribute a substantial amount to the team, a leader, and you must be able to liaise with so and so — my worst nightmare.
Luckily I had many years of practice at this and could come into the interview room full of passion, speaking enthusiastically, and make eye contact when speaking.
Introverts dislike looking into people’s eyes when talking. They tend to either look at a distance or the floor. It just feels awkward.
In particular, I found that being introverted had helped me with learning certain skills that extroverts are not so good at, such as listening to people's problems, then finding a solution for that problem. Also other things such as building personal one-on-one relationships with suppliers/clients and thinking before speaking during negotiations.
This may come as a surprise for some people; but the unintentional silence during negotiations causes panic in the mind of the other party, giving better results for your end.
Suppose you were to ask my friends at school and work colleagues what kind of person I was. They would tell you I am loud, talkative, funny, a joker, etc. But when you ask my family and closest friends the same question, they would tell you the opposite of those things.
This could probably be that I’ve exhausted my social energy throughout the day and have gone into recharge mode when at home. I don’t think it’s fake, but more of having another part of you that is presentable for the public.
In most cases, I get better results when conversing with people in an extroverted manner. It’s just exhausting for long periods, and I will need a substantial amount of alone time to recharge.
Introverts recharge themselves by being alone, but once recharged, they will seek company of loved ones for brief visits.
Conclusion
As an introvert in the workplace who is trying to survive and thrive, you may find that you can be more at an advantage by practicing extrovert behaviors that focus on personal one-on-one relationships with clients, listening more while others speak, and thinking before speaking in negotiations.
It’s not saying that introverts should fake extroverted behaviors, but more of practicing them to use as a skill; Like having the skills to sell.
During the day at work or school, they expect you to be outgoing and talkative. You can come home and spend the rest of the night for yourself, by yourself, to recharge.
