The Imperfect Match: Why Avoidant and Anxious People Attract Each Other
Hard Truths You Need To Hear.
One of the greatest ironies in romance is the attraction of avoidant and anxious individuals. The two couldn’t sit further apart in how they approach love and connection, yet they often match up.
Why?
I used to find it frustrating how my anxious tendencies often led me to avoidant individuals. Didn’t I want to find a connection? If you judged my dating habits and the people I chose, you wouldn’t think so. Also, why did avoidant people spend their time with me? Surely if they were avoidant towards emotional connection they wouldn’t waste their time on someone who wanted commitment?
This article isn’t to say that anxious and avoidant people can’t make a relationship work, I don’t believe any attachment style/mix of styles is doomed for failure — but without collective awareness the toxic environment these two styles can co-create can cause extreme harm in the long run.
Let’s look at why.
1. An Inability To Meet Needs
The core problem with anxious/avoidant partnerships is that both parties are wired to not meet each other’s needs. The anxious individual craves intimacy, and experiences anxiety when there is…
