The Influence Matrix: A Solution to First-World Rat Race Misery
Master the art of thinking for yourself and never ask for advice again.
There are infinite goals that we can potentially chase after. But our time on earth is finite.
No matter what we choose to pursue, we are most ultimately deciding not to pursue another path — which can ultimately be a better path. Here’s the catch: you can never undo your choices.
Time will play out the same no matter how hard or soft you are on yourself to get things right:
- At 25, you’re ~30% done with life
- At 30, you’re ~38% done with life
- At 50, you’re ~60% done with life
- At 70, you’re ~88% done with life
- At 80, you’re most likely dead
When we’re young, we tend to desire goals that are lofty and ambitious by society’s standards. But what happens if we wake up one day realizing that we hate our lives? This is not uncommon.
The tension between our daily actions and personal philosophy is something that we’re all too familiar with, which is why the saying “breaking the matrix” has been popularized.
This tension is otherwise known as the rat race.
Odds are, you fall exactly in this category as most of us in the first-world do. The good news is that the sooner you realize you are on the road to vanity, the easier it becomes to accept the sunk cost.
We suffocate because our daily actions clashes with our personal philosophy.
PSA: The chase for financial freedom is also a rat-race
I need to break this myth. Financial freedom is also a rat-race.
Contrary to the influencers and sleazy salespeople making you salivate over their luxury cars, planes, watches, and stacks of cash, the rat-race is not broken when you have enough money.
The rat-race is any pursuit that deviates from your personal definition of the four fundamental aspects of a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Anything that requires mass agreement on a particular ideology can be likened to a rat-race.
Similarly, anything that follows a set path to achieving a specific goal can also be considered a rat-race.
Life is wholesome, and should not be constrained by the limitations of a narrow mentality or path.
Break free from the rat race into personal awakening
The rat race is yours to define in light of your personal philosophy.
Breaking free from it entails making choices to achieve a balanced version of the four fundamental aspects of life — wealth, health, relationships and happiness.
Because the possible permutations of personal philosophies are limitless, you’re most likely to idealize a definition that leaves you excited, but others utterly confused.
Understand this: the rat race is defined individually. Your breaking free could very well be somebody else’s version of the rat race. In that person’s sight, you’re chasing after something mediocre and distasteful.
In spite of that, will you still choose to pursue it?
If so, that is a worthy calling. That is YOUR worthy calling.
Stop doing things for people’s approval. In fact, start doing things regardless of disapproval and you’re most likely one step closer to living a fulfilling life.
The Influence Matrix
The Influence Matrix is designed to be a practical tool for understanding external and internal influences on our daily habits and practices.
It can be used to navigate the tensions between what we want and what is expected of us.
The cyclical relationship that exists between external factors, such as social conventions, and how they interact with our internal voices to shape our lives, often for the worse, is highlighted.
Pay attention to the sequence.
Stage 1/5: External Factors
The top level represents the social conventions and norms that exist within a particular culture or society. These could include broader norms around behaviours and expectations.
This is the loudest voice that we need to actively shut out; imagine yourself as a North Korean in a totalitarian state, rather than succumbing to Stockholm Syndrome as a coping mechanism, as so many of us do.
Fight against it with all you’ve got so that you don’t eventually complain about the consequences for your lack of struggle. It’s all you.
Recognizing your captivity to social conventions is the first step to personal awakening. Disregarding it is a sign of naivety.
Stage 2/5: Personal Values and Beliefs
The next level down represents the values and beliefs that you develop based on their experiences with social conventions.
This could include your beliefs around the importance of money, the role of health in your life, your priorities in relationships, and your definition of happiness.
Frequently, personal values and beliefs coincide with societal norms for obvious reasons. Social conventions are intentional mechanisms to keep society working predictably, lest we tend toward the state of anarchy.
Therefore, it’s crucial to consider the order of influence:
- Are your personal values and beliefs aligned with culture because they have been shaped by it?
- Or are they aligned with culture despite its influence and will persist regardless?
Deconstruct your personal values and beliefs and realize that they may not be that personal after all. Don’t fool yourself.
Stage 3/5: Life Choices
The third level of life choices reflects the fundamental personal values and beliefs an individual holds. At this stage, there are three primary decisions that one must make that impact almost everything else in life:
- What you do
- Where you live
- Who you’re with
These choices are crucial as they serve as the foundation on which everything else rests.
You are not enslaved to a career.
You are not enslaved to a country.
You are not enslaved to people.
By making choices aligned with one’s values, an individual can create a purposeful and fulfilling life.
Never forget that everything in life is a choice; don’t live in default mode.
Stage 4/5: Daily Habits and Practices
The fourth level represents the day-to-day decisions and actions that an individual takes. Merely living on this level without consideration of external factors, personal values and beliefs, and life choices is the lowest form of living.
It is the sure path to destruction and the root cause of a early/mid/late-life crisis when you realize that your day-to-day actions have zero reflection of who you are.
Slow down and reconsider your priorities before you go.
Don’t live backwards; live forward.
Instead of starting with trying to fix daily habits and practices such as habits around exercise, diet, and socializing, recognize that this may never take root without purpose. It’s simply grasping at straws.
Fix the intentions behind your actions, and your actions will self-correct.
The problem is not willpower, the problem is a lack of perspective.
Stage 5/5: Feedback Loop
The arrow connecting our daily habits and practices to external factors represents how our daily habits and practices can either reinforce or challenge the external factors that shape who we are.
For example,
- If you value material wealth, you might pursue a high-paying career and accumulate material possessions, which contributes to reinforcing societal norms around consumerism and financial success.
- If you value broad experiences in life, you might choose to start a YouTube channel on world travel, which could challenge societal norms around the status quo and location-dependent lifestyles.
The harsh reality is that there is a lag in the feedback loop when influencing societal norms at large.
The world takes time to adapt with the weight of 8 billion people.
Practically, the societal conventions that shape us today are heavily influenced by the daily actions of previous generations, which raises the question:
Are our lifestyles reflective of the opportunities we have in the present or are they restricted by the limitations of our past?
About Me:
Hi! I’m Darien — a proud husband and digital entrepreneur from Singapore.
One of the main themes you’ll find in my work is philosophy on health, wealth, relationships, and happiness.
I firmly believe that these four pillars of life are interconnected and that we cannot have one without the others. I also believe that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to achieving success in these areas. Instead, we need to find our own unique paths and embrace our individuality.
My goal is to challenge you to think critically about your own beliefs and values so that you can live a life that you truly love. If you’re ready to start living life on your own terms, then you’re at the right place.
