The Inner and Outer
Harmony
After the demise of my mom, the sorrow I suffered from her loss reached the pit of my existence and a release of my inner child. Many days I had extreme despair and buckled to my knees in prayer to God. There was no one else who could save me.
I was crying out and saying, “I want my mommy” just like a child would do. All mothers know the sound of their children calling for them. It was a wailing of my childhood emotions. A deep void inside of me because they institutionalized my mother when I was very young for schizophrenia.
So when my mother took her last breath after the shock of her death wore off, my inner child appeared and I was an emotional wreck.
I was begging God for mercy because I wasn’t sure how much more pain I could endure from my inner child. I spent many days in anger and rage yelling to my God and telling Her, “She was my mommy you gave her to me and now you took her back.” Just like a kid would do.
But while speaking these words I knew she was God’s first before she was mine, I had no control, just like children who have no control over their surroundings.
My little person in me was pure and beautiful, full of love and need and reaching out even though she was in an adult body wanting her mommy that she felt she had lost in her youth.
