The Love After The Chaos
When King said,
Tu maan meri jaan, tujhe jaane na dunga,
(Take my advice, my dear. I’m not going to let you go.)
Main Tujhko Apni Bahon Mein Chhupa Ke Rakhunga
(I’d keep you safe and concealed in my arms.)
….. my heart just dropped.
For the first time after a very long time, there was a hint of love after the long darkness of pain. Though my heart has cried a million times, love had taken a backseat for sure.
Today though it was a feeling I haven’t felt in a long: the feeling of actually reliving the pain with a tinge of a smile on my face.
The pain of the song, coursed through every part of my being. Today, I realised I just stepped into a dawn of newness, because this was undoubtedly a new feeling!
The feeling of love after the chaos…
Intoxication with a tinge of sadness
But most of all, a bud of hope after a spell of dryness.
I know, this feeling wasn’t for anyone else, but for the first time, I truly saw myself, felt a bud of love for myself grow in me, and that took strength.
I know it’s hard for me, and certainly for many “unheard but Loved" like me out there, to put yourself out again. The love we have known has always used us, yet somehow we find the strength to start again, to forgive.
And today, I think it’s time we appreciate what we are achieving at every step rather than what we have already lost.
I lost myself to people who didn’t think I was “worth it", worth the effort to stay and fight, and that broke me and has still left something in me, not going to lie.
But today, I appreciate myself, and many like me, who found the strength to hope:
Hope that the love will find us when the time is right
Hope that things are gonna work in our favour when it’s time
Hope that we will recieve what was long overdue
Hope that we can forgive those that broke something in us
Last and not the least, hope that in time we can learn to be proud of ourselves:That we made it to the end of the day
That we smiled even when we were breaking
That we made it even when we saw no end in the dark night of pain
And that we were able to find ourselves again, pick up the pieces and make ourselves a better person than yesterday.This is something to be proud of…
And I am:
Proud of myself and all those who took that leap of faith and made it, you deserve it!
Today, I knew after a long time, that I can make it, and someone encouraged me to share something I hid from the world for so long, a piece of me, and I hope you could hold it as dearly as I do:
When the clock strikes midnight,
And the moon is at it’s high
It’s where I would be waiting
At the apex of darkness
For I am a creature of desire and habit
Looking for a home amist the chaos
For I was once full of hope
Now my whole being is rising to be one.
Yet at times I feel lost,
For when I meet you I fear,
That you will be lost too soon
For my experience with one
Has not been one to reminisce
I will hold you like a star in my eye
Meet me at the horizon
Where it’s all about the dawn of a new day
As I am fragile as I am strong
For the hues of dark and light
In a dance of serenpidity
My heart only yearns for yours.
The love after the chaos is beautiful because it presents itself as a clarity we never had before. Though we don’t understand why things happened the way they did, I think it’s about how we look ahead and acknowledging what we went through is the key. Because life might not have been fair, but so haven’t we…
Things might have not been the way we wanted but guess what?
We can only acknowledge the lessons that it teaches, the most important being, to learn what we don’t want our future to look like if we repeat or overlook what we did in the past.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s the most difficult thing to do, but let me remind you, that it is not the only thing to do especially in a go.
It’s a process! A lengthy one indeed, maybe lifelong who knows? But when we start being thankful for what we have but most of all, what we lost! It’s then when we start to see change:
“in ourselves, the people we surround ourselves with and most of all, how our life is…”
For all those out there like me, I will say, hold on, because every day that we do hold on to that hope of a charismatic dream life or as I like to say, “A Love after the Chaos", we push ourselves to become what we always were or were meant to be.
Both ways, the win is ours if we want it to be. The love and everything we want is ours if we have the courage to be, after the storm.
Hope is the light that lifts us out of darkness
Because even in the darkest times, hope cuts through…(Suggested by Shayon Mahalanobis )
Loads of love and hugs,
Amalvee,
An Unheard But Loved Just Like You 🖤
Here’s the song I am talking about ❤️
