The Love Conundrum
We break our own hearts
Do you feel you are always holding onto the short ends of your love life, while those you love get the long ones? Does it ever leave you with a feeling of being unfulfilled? Does that make you question your choices?
Love is an emotion that forms the core of our existence. It is how we are wired, no matter what we say or believe, it is the driving force behind most of our actions.
We are not speaking in only romantic love. The love that we speak about could be of any kind, romantic, familial, friendships, materialistic, work-related, or even self-love.
All relationships that we have in our life are governed by love. And that is the source of our happiness or grief, depending on what we receive in return. As long as things are going well, we are elated, but we question everything and everyone the moment things go south. That is where we go wrong. The real questions need to be asked to yourself. What was it that hurt us or made us feel how we did? Was it those people or circumstances, or was it our expectations of them?
Why is it necessary to ask ourselves these questions? Because more often than not, what we feel we want is not what we need. We fail to understand ourselves and then we go on expecting the world and the people around us to understand us. How is that fair? Know that the ones around you, the ones you call your own, are also dealing with issues similar to yours.
The ultimate sin
All of us commit the basic sin of basing our happiness on the person or object of our affection. We only know how to love, but there are times when you don’t get what you give. That is when we get pessimistic and close ourselves off to the world. We do the things we know that won’t cause us pain. It could be anything, from our comfort food, to comfort shows and movies, the people who we know love us unconditionally or even the work we do where we know there’s no risk involved.
There’s no problem with having our own “Safe Spaces”. It is a person’s sanctuary where they can feel a little less gloomy about whatever it is that troubles them. The issue is making these sanctuaries our home, rather than using them only when the situation arises.
Think of it this way, having a safe house in your basement is a good thing in times of a pandemic or an apocalypse. But leading your whole life in that basement, just because you fear that something might happen, is akin to agoraphobia. It’s not a sin wanting to always be sheltered. It’s a sin to let that feeling debilitate us.
The story is the same for love. We give it our all to anything or anyone that we love, and if it doesn’t work out, we close ourselves off to avoid further pain. And that is the ultimate sin.
The dopamine hunt
Most of us fail to understand that life is nothing more than giving different parts of ourselves at different times. We can give and only hope for the best to return to us. The one thing to keep in mind is to be prepared to face failure in whatever or whoever we are giving a part of ourselves to.
What do we know about ourselves? Do we know what makes us happy or are we just going on from one dopamine rush to another? It’s not wrong to seek boosts of the “happy hormone”. What’s wrong is making it the only thing we seek. Unless we figure ourselves out and what makes us who we are, we will always be seeking new wells of happiness, as the old ones keep drying out.
The key ingredient
Knowing what makes us happy is important. But figuring out what makes us unhappy is all the more crucial to make the right call in matters of love. It is of paramount importance that we know when it is the time for us to give it our all and when to call it quits, and move forward.
Giving our all to what we love is a wonderful feeling and can give us immense happiness. But it can also prove to be massively draining over time. We must know when to draw the line. If the happiness of giving it our all is negated by the toll it takes on us, it is time to think for yourself.
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