“The More You Write, The Better You Get.” But what if I can’t?
Confession from a newbie
“Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately after they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish.”
― Hermann Hesse
This story is not a rant. I just have some feelings about writing on Medium that I want to put out. All of the successful Medium writers have said time and again that there is no fixed antidote to become a top writer that gets curated a lot. There is absolutely no way of knowing which story will go viral. And that is my fear. The fear of the unknown and me becoming the unknown.
I have always been the type of person who gives up quickly. But I don’t want it to happen for Medium. I know I am a fair writer and but there is still a fear of not succeeding. Maybe this topic has been touched by many and read by few. I am sure a lot of other new writers might have similar thoughts too. And as a writer, the best way to navigate through such mental perils is to write them.
“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ~ Sylvia Plath
I joined Medium in the first week of this month. I have published almost 10 stories, half of them through publications. The editors of these publications have been kind while helping me make those stories better and I am thankful for that. But it also reminded me how average my stories might have been at first. This is the fear that creeps up every time I begin to write.
But it is worth saying that this has only made me want to get better as a writer.
“Writing is like sex. First you do it for love, then you do it for your friends, and then you do it for money.”
— Virginia Woolf
I have written poems on my own for a few years now. Somehow I found the courage to put it on social media for others to see. I have written for my friends and family too. I have taken up writing articles for a website about the restaurant industry.
On Medium, I want to earn money while giving people something worth reading. But putting my stories up for others to read on Medium gives me anxiety. All I write here feels more personal. Everyone is very friendly here. But that doesn’t change the fact that I might be showcasing a part of my creation for other, better writers to read and judge.
“You have to follow your own voice. You have to be yourself when you write. In effect, you have to announce, ‘This is me, this is what I stand for, this is what you get when you read me. I’m doing the best I can—buy me or not—but this is who I am as a writer.” ~ David Morrell
Morell’s quote is truly empowering. To be your own true self in this world is a big statement in itself. As a new writer, you often find yourself following the footsteps of the writers who made it big. A lot of writers proudly say that Medium allows everyone to write about anything we want under the sun, but in the same breath, they advise to search the topics and find out what’s working best on Medium. This has created confusion for me.
“Being a good writer is 3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the Internet.” ~ Anon
Or in the case of Medium writers, the stats exemplify progress. I have been obsessively looking up my stats at least 10 times a day. Most of the time, the stats stay the same low. Only the curated articles seem to get 2–3 views. I read about the experiences of the popular writers who try to help new kids on the block. The response their stories get is huge. I keep comparing and I know how stupid that sounds.
Having my phone on me all the time has made it difficult to break this habit.
“I am irritated by my own writing. I am like a violinist whose ear is true, but whose fingers refuse to reproduce precisely the sound he hears within.”
— Gustave Flaubert
This is exactly how I feel every time I write something. It doesn’t feel as eloquent or poetic the way all other writers on Medium write. It is only my shortcoming that I find myself feeling this way often. For a person who is used to undermining herself, this has been happening to me a lot more since I got on Medium. I keep starting new stories only to drop them halfway.
This might have felt like I was bitching about Medium or other writers, but it was more about me and my issues. I must say I feel like Medium is actually a safe haven for me. I am allowed to be vulnerable and even controversial here. So, I may not get better as I write, but I will be free.
"Get it down. Take chances. It may be bad, but it’s the only way you can do anything really good."
--William Faulkner
