The Most Terrifying Prison In The World
Have you ever been?
Being a prisoner of my own mind made me realize how out of touch I was in the present. I would sit and ponder on situations that I knew I couldn’t change but my mind made me think otherwise.
When my fiancé suddenly passed, I spent the following days thinking about what I could’ve done to save his life. My mind allowed me to believe that if I would’ve been closer to him (vicinity wise), that I could have gotten to him in time. Survivor’s guilt.
Or the thought that I was too scared to kiss his lifeless lips and wondering that if I did, would it have brought him back to life? Maybe I should’ve leaned closer to his ear and whispered “I Love You”, like how I wanted to, but my body was frozen. So, I fell silent.
I’m sure all these different plays that are unrealistic would’ve made a difference because my mind said so. I almost believed it. And if I did, I’m also sure that I wouldn’t be alive today. The guilt would’ve preserved me and eaten me alive.
When everything seems like a possibility, it makes fate look unbalanced. Even when things appear to happen in the way that they are supposed to, we still convince ourselves that the outcome should’ve been different. Maybe we’re our biggest threat after all.
