The Neuroscience of Hot and Cold Relationships
What It Really Means To Be “Hooked” On Someone
Hot and cold dynamics are the dynamics in which we struggle to decipher another person’s full intentions. They’re the relationships in which love is handed out sporadically, and where words don’t align with behaviors. They’re the relationships where we’re hoping for more but are unsure whether we’re going to get it.
It baffled me for a while as to why I found myself caught in these dynamics. After all, they weren’t pleasant dynamics to be in. I was doubtful, anxious, and frustrated with the other person’s behavior whilst divided as to what their mixed signals meant. On one hand, it seemed that they were into me, but some of their other behaviors would tell me otherwise.
Amidst my worries, I’d compulsively check my phone for texts — which likely wouldn’t be seen for hours — ; I’d check their social media, I’d ramble about the situation to friends, and then drop everything for them if they called.
It felt like being hooked on a drug. My intuition would tell me that situation wasn’t a healthy one to be in, and that their behavior was likely an indicator of their lack of interest, and yet I’d still entertain it. And the highs felt so good, too. When they did eventually give me attention, all the negatives faded…
