The other Danger Of Cigarette Smoking
I mean, danger from all tobacco and nicotine addiction
I am (was?) a smoker. Been smoking for more than 15 years. And I have heard all this all along:
CDC: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Smoking leads to disease and disability and harms nearly every organ of the body.
Smoking causes cancer, heart disease, stroke, lung diseases, diabetes, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), which includes emphysema and chronic bronchitis. Smoking also increases risk for tuberculosis, certain eye diseases, and problems of the immune system, including rheumatoid arthritis.
But I have persisted with smoking. Despite knowing the risks. I have persisted with smoking solely to deal with my thoughts and emotions.
‘I’ll rather die than deal with this shit,’ I have said to myself on many occasions.
Let’s say, I sacrificed my body for the mind
Or
So I thought!
Until
A few days ago, I realized that I was actually destroying both my mind and my body.
There may be thousands of evidence proving the psychological dangers of cigarettes. I don’t want to get into all that. I just want to share the danger I discovered.
As I said above, I persisted with smoking despite hearing about its physical dangers. The reason for me was that it was helping me deal with my thoughts and emotions.
And it had helped. It helped me tolerate tragedies and nightmares. It took me through frustrations and sad moments. It gave me confidence to face many social occasions from which I would have run away!
Over the past 15 years, I have used cigarettes in almost every situation. Yes, in joyful, and moments of excitement too!
And turns out:
This very dependency on cigarettes has led them to destroying my desires!
Danger Of Cigarette Smoking on Desires? What? How?
I imagine a future situation where I am a successful thinker. I go visit an influential military person on his request and expense. The work is to solve some of his mental issues. He lives at an army quarter at a national park. (I had been to such a place as a child.) And I imagine a good conversation, good dinner, good payment. But I feel empty. Something isn’t right. I am not feeling alright. I try to imagine all the things that might make me feel right: Night safari, an encounter with tiger, cool air, forest air. NOTHING! I still feel empty. Until…
I imagine myself smoking a cigarette!
I imagine a future situation where me and my wife are on a beautiful beach on our vacation. Thinking and enjoying our life. And I imagine a great life going on with great understanding, great sex, great earning. But I feel empty. Something isn’t right. I am not feeling alright. I try to imagine all the things that might make me feel right: The water (I have always loved water), the waves, the breeze. NOTHING! I still feel empty. Until…
I imagine myself smoking a cigarette!
These are real imaginations. Reveries while walking, working. I haven’t made them up for the sake of this story.
And then I think of all imaginations of situations and also of past situations. For a long time, A CIGARETTE SMOKE has been the finishing/FINAL point of my desires.
It’s as if I am living to smoke and I do everything else to ensure I have a good smoke. Thought of quitting makes me sad.
For all these years, I thought smoking was a reward. Maybe it was one at the beginning — all those years ago! But now it’s the ultimate thing. Like any other dependency.
I recalled the time when I was going through a bad break up. This is how thought in that phase:
Something isn’t right. I am not feeling alright. NOTHING CAN MAKE ME FEEL GOOD! I feel empty. Until…I am with that girl!
DEPENDENCY DEPENDENCY DEPENDENCY
Thought of quitting makes me sad.
I was ready to go through physical hell for mental tolerance. (Of course, it is easier to say this when I am visibly not going through one.)
I have had hints that cigarettes are largely responsible for my anxiety.
But I was ready to go through some anxiety for larger mental tolerance.
But, ‘cigarettes as the ultimate desire’ is too much! That’s defeat. That hits the ego. That hits the pride.
This is what my ego and pride says:
