Self-Worth

The Paradoxical Juxtaposition of Confidence and Capability

Or, why do we have to wait until we are older to gain perfect hindsight?

Created by Author on Midjourney

There was a point in my life where I accomplished anything I set out to do very easily, often excelling even in areas where I felt I did not possess any particular strengths. I didn’t really appreciate it when it was initially happening but identified it pretty early on. I had knowledge that I could do pretty much anything I attempted.

Now some 30-plus odd years later it is very easy to recognize, but also easy to discount because from a retrospective perspective, I really didn’t push myself at all. What I possessed in capability was offset by a true lack of confidence and ambition.

You see when I was young, I never wanted to be a soldier, an interpreter, an interrogator, an electrician, a firefighter, a paramedic, or a fire chief. Yet I did all those things. At the same time, I never wanted to be any of the things I didn’t do either. I just didn’t have much drive or self-confidence as a youth.

I can’t say I truly blew aimlessly with the wind. I did have some aspirations, but they were more general and highly driven by social and family mores. I wanted to move out of the family home as soon as possible, I…