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The Hidden Dangers of Identifying as a “Victim”
The Power of Labels: Why We Need to Rethink “ABUSE”
Antonieta Contreras, Trauma, Sex, EMDR, NFB therapist, Author
This article intends to shed light on the dangers of calling many situations as abusive and assigning or wearing the label of victim. Identifying oneself as a victim can start a self-destructive cycle for many individuals, which could cause dysfunction and emotional struggle that could be as or more damaging than the “abuse.”
The Power of Words
As a clinician, I have witnessed the profound impact that words can have on our psyche. Our thoughts, values, memories, and all the information that we accumulate in our brains shape our experiences and affect the functioning of our nervous system, ultimately giving rise to our emotional responses. Even everyday words, such as “abuse” or “victim” can carry significant weight and therefore warrant review.
When The Term “Abuse” Is Not Factual
The term “abuse” is often used loosely and without proper consideration of its meaning. According to the definition provided by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, abuse is defined as “to use or treat so as to injure or damage.” From this definition, it can be deduced that if an action causes no harm or injury, it should not be labeled as abuse. Abuse implies cruelty, violence, and harm, as well as ill-intention on the part of the abuser, awareness and consequences for the abused, and a pattern of behavior (repetition) in the dynamic. Unfortunately, many people have become accustomed to using the term “abuse” to describe any situation that bothers them, even if it’s a one-time occurrence with no malicious intent.
For example, I have had clients who referred to their parents as abusive simply because they asked them to do chores or limited their social activities. Not only do they call it abuse, but they also label themselves as victims of “childhood trauma,” a big and loaded term. Others describe their partners as “narcissistic abusers” just because they lie or raise their voice, using clickbait terms that are easily adopted as reality. With this type of mentality, it is easy to label any situation as abusive, which can create a victim…
