Harnessing Emotions:
The Power of Pausing with the 90-Second Rule
Reducing reactivity to our emotions but still responding to them enhances our relationships, our decision-making, and our overall well-being. By observing our emotions with an inquisitive and non-judgmental mindset, we can disarm their power and learn to navigate our emotional world with intention and insight. To respond to our emotions versus react to them we need to view them as signals to be understood rather than forces to be feared or suppressed.
Understanding Reactivity
Reactivity, in essence, is our automatic, often unconscious, response to stimuli or events around us. Reactivity is driven by the brain’s instinctual fight-or-flight response, designed to protect us from threats. However, in our modern context, this response can be triggered by non-life-threatening events, such as a stressful email or a misunderstanding with a friend, leading to disproportionate emotional reactions. These reactions are not just emotional but are accompanied by a cascade of physiological changes — a rush of chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol that prepare our body to act.
The 90-Second Rule and Reactivity
The 90-second rule, introduced by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, emphasizes the power of a brief pause to alter the course of our emotional reactions. The 90-second rule posits that the physiological response — the chemical rush behind our emotions — dissipates after about 90 seconds. This window offers a critical opportunity to intercept our reactivity. By recognizing that the intensity of our emotional reaction is temporary, we can give ourselves permission to pause, breathe, and allow the initial surge of emotion to pass without acting on it.
This pause is not about suppression but about creating space for choice and reasoned response rather than automatic reactivity.
The Role of Self-Sabotage and Inner Critic
Now, I get it. My clients look at me with doubt when I say this to them too. I mean, I’ve had feelings that lasted for months longer than that. So here is the truth….what happens after these 90 seconds depends on us. If the emotion lingers, it’s not because of the chemicals in our bodies but because we’re choosing to let it.
Self-sabotage, our inner critic, and our thoughts play a significant role in perpetuating the chemical reactions associated with our emotions, often intensifying and prolonging our emotional experiences beyond their initial trigger. For instance, when a co-worker criticizes us, we naturally become angry or hurt. But then, we fuel this anger with our thoughts, keeping the emotion alive and re-stimulating the physiological response of anger.
This happens in several ways:
1. Reinforcing Negative Emotions: Our inner critic can amplify the initial emotion by reinforcing negative beliefs about ourselves. If we feel anxious about a presentation, for instance, our inner critic might bombard us with thoughts of inadequacy, increasing our stress and the associated chemical responses.
2. Creating a Feedback Loop: Self-sabotage behaviors, such as procrastination or avoiding confronting our emotions, can create a feedback loop. By not addressing the root cause of our emotions, we keep ourselves in a state of distress, continuously triggering the same chemical reactions that sustain the emotion.
3. Ruminating on Negative Thoughts: Rumination, or the act of continuously thinking about the same distressing thoughts, keeps the emotional response active. Each time we revisit a negative thought, our brain responds as if the triggering event is happening again, releasing the same chemicals and prolonging the emotional state.
It’s not the emotions but the “resistance” to the emotions that cause our distress. Understanding this can significantly change how we deal with our emotions.
Applying the 90-Second Rule
1. Acknowledge the Emotion: The first step is to recognize when you’re having an emotional reaction. This awareness is key to managing reactivity and gaining insight.
2. Pause and Breathe: Instead of immediately reacting, take a moment to breathe deeply. Use the 90 seconds to focus on your breath, grounding yourself in the present.
3. Observe Without Judgment: Observe the emotion you’re feeling without judging it as good or bad. This nonjudgmental observation helps to detach from the immediacy of the reaction.
4. Choose Your Response: After the 90 seconds have passed, and the initial wave of emotion has subsided, you have the space to choose how you wish to respond. This choice is empowered by clarity rather than clouded by the heat of emotion.
Emotions, though powerful, are not as frightening as they may seem. They are a part of the human experience and can serve as guides, helping us navigate through life. By understanding the 90-second rule, we can learn to sit with our emotions, listen to their messages, and use them as catalysts for growth and transformation. It teaches us that while we may not control the initial emotional trigger, we have the choice and the capacity to control our response, turning moments of potential reactivity into opportunities for growth and connection.
Mary Struzinsky is an award-winning, certified coach and licensed clinician, helping hundreds of women unravel the root causes of burnout and imposter syndrome. With 30+ years of experience and certification in EMDR and EFT (tapping), and her own personal story with burnout, Mary helps uncover the subconscious beliefs that keep women trapped in a cycle of overachieving and overworking.
She is the creator of “Exhausted to Energized and Empowered”, a 5-week program focused on helping women attain the energy, confidence, and TIME to live a life aligned with their values. Find out more here!
