The Power of Small Habits: Don’t Start With Big Changes, Start With Tiny Ones
Have you ever met a pilot who’s also a coach? I did, and here’s his advice on changing habits
Since moving to Toronto, I’ve begun to appreciate the warm days more. The summers here are amazing — not too hot, just ideal.
But, some days can suddenly turn chilly, forcing you to wear a coat and putting a pause on your summer vibe.
I actually enjoy these small breaks because they make you appreciate the little things in life, like having warm days. The same way, there are moments in life when you meet people who challenge your way of thinking.
I met such a person at the office. He was an unusual character — a pilot and a coach. “When I’m not flying jets, I coach people,” he said. His name is Shenin, a friend of one of our companies’ bosses. He was visiting our Toronto office.
You know that feeling when you meet someone and immediately want to learn more about them and hear what they have to say?
Shenin was one of those people.
While waiting for one of the managers, we sat down for a coffee, and over the next hour, he shared insights on how habits shape our lives, how our subconscious mind controls us, and how to change bad habits
Here are my lessons from the mysterious jet-pilot coach.
How Do Habits Form?
A habit is simply a repetitive behavior. He said.
Habits help our brains make sense of the world by simplifying daily actions into one cohesive routine.
Have you ever noticed how you drive or go home without even thinking about it?
It’s like being on autopilot!
We use autopilots in plans to make our jobs easier so we can focus on the tasks.
But in your daily life, an autopilot can take you in a different direction
So, how do these habits shape our lives? I asked
People often go on autopilot so much that they miss everything around them. They float through life without truly engaging or thinking about what they’re doing.
Our world has become so complex that our minds need to simplify things to make sense of it all. This simplification process involves creating shortcuts or small habits, but these habits aren’t always beneficial.
For example, imagine you want to wake up early to work out. You plan to do it, but your brain resists waking up because it knows rest is good for recharging your body. Any change is perceived as a potential threat.
Your brain doesn’t comprehend that exercising will make you fitter and more energetic throughout the day.
So, your internal voice says things like, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” “Just ten more minutes,” “I worked out yesterday,” or “Maybe it’s not a good idea.” If you pay attention, you’ll notice this internal dialogue happening all the time.
Over time, these repeated thoughts and actions become familiar behaviors, or what we call habits. Breaking these long-established habits is tough.
I’ve noticed it myself — some days, it’s hard to get up and work out even though I know it’s good for me.
Of course he replied, your brain works against you. Here’s an example from my pilot days. To be a good pilot, you’ve got to be good at stress management.
Think about it: stress, in its essence, is also a habit. It’s the way your body responds to new and unfamiliar situations. When something uncontrollable happens, you have two choices: stress about it or take control.
For most people, it takes practice to overcome bad habits and form new ones in order to be able to approach situations clearly and calmly in the future.
How to change habits?
I was really interested in what he was saying, and we continued talking. So, how do you really change those habits and “get the life you want” as they say?
It’s simple — you start with small habits. When I coach people, they often want immediate results. They think a few sessions with me will fix everything. But it doesn’t work that way.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Our minds don’t operate like that,” he explained. “People want to go from zero to hundred in no time. You don’t become a pilot in a few sessions, do you?
Becoming a pilot takes time because you have to train your brain to think differently. You need to adopt hundreds of small habits that build up to who you are — a pilot.”
In my coaching, the first thing I tell them is that it’s going to take more time than they expect.
Two reasons:
We are naturally overconfident. Our expectations are higher than our actual capabilities
Marketing. There is a big buzz around the idea that you can transform your life, your body, and your finances within 90 days.
But this is all delusions!
My job is to break that illusion and show them reality.
If you wish to be a pilot, you can’t be delusional, or you’ll crash. You have to understand what’s going on and perceive reality. This is done by developing small, sometimes very tiny habits.
“Give me an example,” I said.
If you want to wake up early, you know your inner voice will start telling you stories when it’s time to get up.
The first thing you do is write down all the potential excuses you might have in the morning. Do this the night before.
Write them in a notebook and keep it next to you. When it’s time to wake up, grab your notebook and listen to what the voice inside your head is saying. You’ll probably see your excuses written there.
The moment you see them, say to yourself: ‘Ah, it’s just a meaningless voice trying to protect me.’ When you do that, waking up becomes much easier. You’ve essentially overcome the inner voice that created the bad habit of not waking up.”
“Do this for a week, and it will get easier. Do it for a month, and it will stick with you. But you must keep doing it, or your inner voice will take over again. It’s always looking for ways to bring you back to comfort.
“Yes, I’ve noticed that if you don’t stick with something, you just revert to your old habits”. “Why is that?”
Well, there’s a scientific reason for that, but to make it simple, think of it this way: Your brain is smarter than you are. Your brain has evolved over millions of years, and you, the rational human being, have been around for only 30 or 40 years. Your brain has millions of years of experience, and you only have a few decades. Who wins?
“Yes, that makes total sense,” I replied.
Of course. The second thing to understand is that breaking a habit takes time and effort, so you must do it consistently and create new mini-habits every day.
Start small. If you start small, you’ll face much less resistance from your brain. Small mini-habits are much easier to stick to, and by doing this, you create the habit of implementing mini-habits every day.
Got it?
What effects do habits have on our decisions?
We chatted about various topics like working out, relationships, business, and food. Shenin mentioned he was planning to fast for a few days to test his inner strength. This was a fascinating conversation.
After he left, I opened my notebook and jotted down the key points we discussed.
I started thinking about how our decisions are influenced by our habits. It’s a reinforcing loop, I realized. I sketched a simple loop in my notebook to illustrate this concept.
Influence on Decisions: Once a habit is established, it often unconsciously influences your decisions.
For example, if you have the habit of checking your phone first thing in the morning, you might end up scrolling through emails or social media before even getting out of bed.
Same way, if you habitually snack while watching TV, you might find yourself eating even when you’re not hungry.
Decisions Reinforce Habits: Every time you make a decision that aligns with an existing habit, that habit gets reinforced and becomes more ingrained.
This reinforcement makes the habit stronger and more automatic, reducing the chances of choosing different actions in the future.
This is how we make every decision in our lives. Small decisions turn into habits, and habits shape our lives. So, it’s true what they say: if you want to change your life, start by waking up early.
Conclusions
As I went through my notes and reflected more on how small habits can change our lives for the better, I realized I have many habits I need to change.
If a pilot can train himself to change these mini habits, what excuse do I have not to do the same? This conversation left me in awe. Life is so surprising; you never know who you’ll meet and what you’ll learn from them.
Most importantly, how what you learn can impact your life.
Nikita
