The Psychology of Attraction — What Your Preferences Reveal About You
Love is an intricate influence that helps people come together and helps them to form bonds of affection and sort out intimate relationships.
It may be hard to notice any pattern or rational reason why in some cases people attract each other while in others they do not. However, the psychology of attraction suggests that it is far from being a random case.
The hopes and expectations regarding the partner are influenced by personal needs, values, attachment patterns, and psychological traits.
When we attempt to look for the reasons that make us inclined to some individuals, we get a revelation about ourselves. Well let’s take a peek at how attraction can be really a mirror of our selves to some extent.
Number 1 — Complementary Needs
Have you ever wondered why opposites attract?
The best approach to explaining this phenomenon is to look at the complementary needs theory. That is how people are attracted to others with qualities they have not got in themselves.
So this attraction is not something which is just whimsical; it is the basic instinct of objectification of our lives and seeking order in them. For instance, you may be an introverted type of person, and naturally, you will be drawn to an extroverted person since they complement your personality.
Or maybe you are a hyperactive person who would like to be with a careless, lonely person with a languid way of handling things in life. This grounding is in opposition to the usual increased activity and stream of thoughts one associates with them.
In such a context, the two contradictories complement each other and are required by the other. Where one is weaker than the other, the other compensates and takes over.
Number 2 — Projection and Self-Reflection
Love is, and always will be, kind of like a mirror that reflects back our higher selves, our goals, or our deepest fears. That is, when one is attracted to another person, then he or she might recognize something from the other in himself or herself.
These can be qualities that we aspire to cultivate in ourselves further or parts of our character that we are not even fully aware of.
For instance, if the trait we have ranked high is creativity, then we might prefer artistically talented individuals. Recognising that having creativity reflected back could make the individual feel good.
If you are attracted to highly empathetic individuals, you likely have an aspect of nurturance or empathy in your personality that remains untapped.
On the other hand, tending to be attracted by individuals who push us away may indeed serve as a sign that is consistent with a fear of intimacy. Chasing after someone who is cold or ‘emotionally detached’ can actually feel safer, as they seem like they have less chance of getting close to you and asking for your love in return.
Regrettably, such trend often results in a series of fruitless relationships since the couple never become close enough to build a true intimacy.
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Number 3 — Familiarity and Comfort
It is also important to note that it always attracts people as far as issues related to attraction are concerned.
It may be for this reason that we are easily attracted to what is familiar to us. This can show up in one’s preference for companionship as people with similar characteristics to a parent or the caretaker of one’s childhood or the environment that one grew up in, among others.
For instance, imagine you are from a small rural settlement.
It seems that you are also interested in potential partners with similar backgrounds who grew up in small towns. They understand the close-knit community vibes, the quiet evenings, and the simple, down-to-earth lifestyle.
Similarly, you might be attracted to a partner resembling the parent you always adored. Maybe it’s their mannerisms, their sense of humor, or even the way they show care and concern.
Now, bear in mind that familiarity isn’t always a good thing. It can sometimes lead us into relationships that replicate unhealthy patterns from our past.
If you had a turbulent or abusive family dynamic growing up, you might subconsciously be choosing romantic partners who treat you the same way since that mistreatment feels “normal” to you.
This kind of attraction to the familiar is something that definitely warrants careful examination and reflection.
Number 4 — Personal Growth and Healing
At times, the object of affection offers a route for positive change or the possibility of a personal transformation. They could push us to grow and explore or offer us an environment in which we can come to terms with prior abuses and pains.
Thus, attraction is not a threat but a potential that can be transformed into a means for development. Being with someone who motivates you to tackle your fears and rise beyond them counts among the most beneficial experiences in life.
They provide you with incentives towards developing new skills, embracing challenges that will enable you to become the best person you’re capable of being.
The treatment they offer can give you a chance to finally overcome troubles that have been haunting you for years. Through their compassion, you gain the courage necessary to put yourself on the right track.
An attraction founded on mutual growth rather than fear or dependency can evolve into a deeply fulfilling relationship as long as both partners share this commitment to nurturing each other’s development over the long term.
With patience and dedication, you can experience profound personal transformations together, reaching heights neither of you could be alone.
Number 5 — Self-Esteem and Validation
Our level of self-esteem can significantly influence the type of people we’re attracted to.
Those with higher self-esteem tend to be attracted to partners who treat them well and reflect their positive self-view.
They seek out relationships that validate how they see themselves. A good example of this is someone confident in their professional abilities.
They’ll likely gravitate to a partner who admires and praises those traits. Conversely, those with lower self-esteem may find themselves with partners who reinforce their negative self-beliefs.
If you feel unworthy or incompetent, you might end up in relationships that confirm that perspective.
Unfortunately, this attraction based on low self-esteem often leads to unhealthy dynamics that further damage your self-image.
The complex interplay between complementary needs and mirroring of inner dynamics gives attraction both a light and a shadow element. It can open pathways to healing past hurts, achieving wholeness, and finding inner fulfillment.
However, it can also draw people into relationships that reinforce wounds or detrimental patterns. Understanding the reasons behind being attracted to some people can aid us in being more informed in our decision-making process, change or seek improvement, and create healthier relationships in our interpersonal lives.
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