The secrets of magnetic charm — Simple sauce to make you irresistible
Have you ever wondered how some people effortlessly navigate social situations, leaving a trail of admiration and influence in their wake?
I’ll share my understanding of the secrets to magnetic charm and interpersonal mastery, as I read and practiced the time tested principles in my life.
10 years back, a simple book from Dale Carnegie changed my life forever.
And I am pretty sure that same thing can happen with you as well if you follow 3 simple rules in your life.
I am not talking about any rocket science.
These 3 simple rules are well described in Dale Carnegie’s book — “How to win friends & Influence people ?”
Before telling you the secrets of magnetic charm, I would like to tell you that no one in this earth born with god gifted charisma.
There are people who unknowingly do few things so perfectly that people around them, fall for them.
You can experience an irresistible charm around them which draw everyone’s attention.
Sigmund Freud talked about sexual gratification and feeling of importance as the two fundamental factors driving us.
But feeling of importance is probably the single most important thing, that makes humans so different than rest of the animals.
The strong desire of feeling of importance, is something which drive people to do their best in studies, business, career and every sphere of life.
If you make moves to make people around you feel important and supreme, it makes their innate desire fulfilled.
As you fulfill their desire to be important, people get interested interacting with you and this creates an irresistible charm which drives people around you.
How to do it ?
Let’s dive in.
#Rule number 1 — Avoid criticism and complaining :
It looks very trivial. But this rule is cardinal principal of winning hearts.
Stop complaining does not mean you will become a doormat and anyone can push you back on anything.
Stop complaining does not mean you should stop talking when your dignity and your respect is compromised.
Never do that. Always speak up.
Stop complaining and criticism means, have a deep sense of empathy when interacting with people around you.
As Mr. Carnegie mentioned that most notorious criminals in history had an opposite side of the story to tell.
Someone who is wrong, still has a reason to defend him or herself.
Be empathetic when you know that the other person is truly sorry and hear his or her side of the story.
Stop criticizing people.
Give them another chance to do better. Show genuine desire to hear their innate voice.
#Rule number 2— Appreciate in most genuine way possible :
Now this is a serious skill that needs to be developed.
If you really want to create a long term unforgettable experience for anyone who is interacting with you, know how to appreciate.
Keep in mind one simple thing. Life is short and there are thousands of people who seldom gets to hear beautiful words about themselves.
I am not talking about flattery. It does not help.
What stands out is a genuine appreciation that you convey to people around you.
How you practice giving true appreciation to people ?
You need to observe people closely and figure out traits which make them special.
When you speak about those special traits and mention about achievements which make them standout, it creates a tremendous positive energy between you and the recipient.
So, make sure you give genuine appreciation to people around you.
#Rule number 3 — Showing interest in others through focused listening
In hundreds of books, different gurus talked about the importance of being a very good listener.
Listening to others is very important. But two questions related to listening is unanswered to me till the time I did further research.
The questions are -
# Why listening to others are so important ?
# What is the best way to listen other ?
Let’s go deep and try to answer these questions -
# Why listening to others is so important ?
When you listen with full attention, it gives a tremendous pleasure to the speaker. It fulfils the most innate desire of a human. It is feeling of importance.
When you give undivided attention to others and listen to their story, it gives them a feel which might be better than a orgasm. A deep sense of superiority.
They started trusting you and liking you more. Because you are giving them that experience of feeling important and superior.
Hence if you want to influence people, listening with attention gives you more power.
Now here is the next question -
# What is the best way to listen other ?
The best form of listening is asking short and interesting questions to the speaker which helps him or her to go deep and talk more about the details.
Here you are helping that person to open up, share more and in the process giving him / her chance to feel more connected and important during the discussion.
It is simple but you need practice to master the craft. The craft of making the other person “feel important”.
Start practicing these small but important steps in your life, beginning with your family members, then extend it to your friends and finally professional sphere and beyond.
Trust me, this will bring wonderful results in your personal & professional relationships.
I practiced these 3 rules in my family life and professional sphere over a period of last 10 years. I maintained a short google sheet about my monthly improvement when interacting with people. This process helped me immensely in gaining popularity among friends and co-workers. I started getting more visibility and my relationship with people around me improved significantly over the years.
