The Traits to Look for in the People in Your Immediate Circle
Besides kindness and a good sense of humor
Strong relationships are life’s greatest reward.
It’s essential to cherish and nourish these relationships to experience a truly meaningful and satisfying existence. On the other side of that coin, unhealthy or toxic relationships can seriously hinder your overall quality of life.
I used to spend time with a group of people who were not always the best influence. Some of them would compete with each other in a way that made me feel bad. Others didn’t seem to be doing anything productive.
The older we get, the more we ought to pay attention to who we allow into our immediate circles — if there isn’t a mutual benefit from the relationship then it might be time to consider finding a different set of people to be around.
Here are some traits you can look out for when deciding who you will keep as company.
Patience
There are far too many impatient people who make existing in the world a drag, like the guy behind you in traffic who lays on the horn because you didn’t take off in 0.1 seconds after the light turned green. Impatient people are typically emotionally immature and lack self-control.
Conversely, those who are able to exercise patience are people who have a high level of self-control. It’s healthy to be around people with high self-control because that tends to lead to significantly less drama.
The last thing you need is a friend who always gets worked up whenever you run five minutes late.
When somebody has patience and self-control, they don’t end up adding any additional unnecessary drama to your life, and this is a worthy trait to have in a friend.
Forgiveness
Have you ever had a friend who would bring up past failures or embarrassments of yours? It’s a terrible feeling when somebody does this to you.
The most valuable friends are those who acknowledge your strengths and help you grow from your weaknesses.
Look for people who recognize your humanity (therefore, that you aren’t perfect) and forgive quickly. There’s no point to the zero-sum game of scorekeeping. Unless you did something that’s borderline unforgivable, you shouldn’t tolerate people in your circle who want to remind you of your past wrongs constantly.
Optimism
The world today can feel like a ruthlessly negative place at times. All of the news headlines are scandals and doom and gloom. On top of that, life is just plain difficult. It’s no wonder why so many people go about their days in a permanent state of fight-or-flight.
Life is a journey full of ups and downs. We all face challenges at various points in our lives, whether it’s a difficult situation at work, a strained relationship with a loved one, or a personal struggle we are trying to overcome. During these tough times, having a supportive network of people who are there for us can make all the difference. It’s important to have someone who can help us see the potential silver lining, even when we can’t see it ourselves. With the right people in our corner, we can weather any storm and come out stronger on the other side.
People who have a general temperament of optimism and positivity will help to inspire you to be the same way, and through this, you can get so much more accomplished in your life as opposed to if you constantly find what’s wrong with the world.
Wisdom
Hopefully, you aren’t exclusively hanging around with people who constantly make the same bad decisions over and over again. Hey, I get it — all of us are flawed and we all drop the ball sometimes.
I have many regrets from my past, and sometimes I’ve made bad decisions fully knowing what I was doing was going to screw me.
That said, it takes a person of high character to be able to recognize when they were wrong and then be willing to correct the mistakes they made. People who have wisdom are able to both see where they’ve gone wrong in the past and then re-calibrate so that the same mistakes don’t happen again.
People who possess wisdom are valuable to keep around because you can learn from their mistakes. With humility, they can guide you in the right direction.
Ambition
Ask yourself, does the company you keep strive for anything better in their life? Or, do they simply like to get intoxicated on a regular basis and kick their feet up to some good ol’ streaming services?
To use an example from my life, when I used to live with a roommate, he and another friend of ours would get high in the apartment on a daily basis. What do you think I ended up doing? I don’t bring this up to say that they’re bad people, but the behavior that they engaged in regularly had an effect on my decisions at the time — I wanted to fit in, and I wanted to be included.
If you are the average of the five people you hang out with the most, make sure those people are striving for more. This doesn’t mean they need to be trying to start a million-dollar business, but hopefully, they have some goals and a vision for a brighter future.
These types of friends will motivate you to be and to do better for yourself.
Summary
Having healthy relationships is critical for a fulfilling life, while toxic ones can lower the quality of your life.
Try to find people in your circle who are:
- Patient and possess self-control.
- Forgiving of your past mistakes.
- Able to see the bright side of life more often than not.
- Help to guide you through their wisdom.
- Strive for more in their life.
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