The Transference Phenomenon
Is Transference Playing Havoc with Your Relationships?
Ever find yourself reacting strongly to someone — you’re triggered — and it feels like déjà vu?
Have you considered that maybe it’s not about them but about someone from your past?
This phenomenon might be what’s known in therapeutic terms as “transference”.
We’re trained to observe transference as counsellors, coaches, and therapists, but it’s not unique to therapeutic encounters. It’s commonplace in our everyday relationships.
You might be seeing your boss as the authoritative parent you could never please.
Or perhaps your partner’s minor neglect reminds you of how an ex made you feel. It’s like history repeating itself but with different characters.
Transference is when we project feelings, fears, or expectations from one relationship onto another, often without realising it, perhaps also often unfairly.
It’s cunning and powerful and can distort our perceptions, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings.
Think about that argument with your friend last week. Was it really about them being late to meet you, or did it tap into a hidden and more profound fear of abandonment stemming from childhood?
