The Witness
Be Loyal To Yourself
“But then, wasn’t he only looking? What, in the name of God, is wrong with that!”
She rolls her eyes.
“Yes. The Professor has a habit to look here and there. Why misinterpret and create a hue and cry about such a small thing!”
Small thing.
She was only just beginning to realize the enormity of the circumstances unfolding in front of her. She had heard about the scandal. ‘Why don’t they listen to her’, she wonders. She knows the truth.
She remembered it like it was yesterday.
It was just another day. She was still trying to cope up with the pressures of law school. There was just too much going on. She remembers thinking that afternoon, ‘Everything happens so so fast here. I just can’t cope up..’ She had had just dealt with her mid-semester exams when the deadline of the projects began looming over. And as she was finished with them, the presentations’ schedule began. ‘I hate presentations.’ She was never good at speaking publicly, worse when that was to explain something in front of an audience. ‘But this is law-school, you have to do it!’ So she sighed and resigned herself to the looming humiliation. She had already scratched through all her subjects’ presentations and only the last remained. She was ever-so-grateful to her Professor to let her give the presentation alone. The mere prospect of saying and presenting in front of a crowd is daunting for her.
“I understand how under-confident you feel while speaking publicly. So you can come to my chamber after lunch and get done with your presentations. Remember, today is the last day. You must not cross the deadline. You have already delayed enough.”
Why was she delaying? ‘The usual fear of speaking, of course.’ she thought. But no, she had completed all other presentations and she managed them reasonably well. ‘There is just that small something there..’ Something that she could not pinpoint but feel.. Something unnerving. Something in her gut. Gut feelings are like guardian angels. If only, she had understood this then.
Shaking off this unwelcome feeling of her inner conscious, off she went to the Professor’s chamber. ‘Relax, it’s only for a few minutes. This will end soon.’
The door is closed. She half-thinks of turning back and retracing her steps. With a deep breath, she knocks. The door opens immediately. “Come in. ” He is business-like. ‘It’s okay. Why do I need to break into a sweat in an A.C. chamber?” she wonders.
“You are ready, aren’t you?”
“Yes sir…”, she stammers. ‘Of course, you are ready. You have prepared for this presentation so many times!’
“So let’s begin then!”, he snaps shut the notebook in front of him and picks up her project file. He looked squarely at her, rubbing his chin slowly while doing so.
“Well. Good afternoon sir. The topic of my presentation is…”, she stops. That look.
“Yes go on. I can see your project looks bulky. Very, what’s the word, voluptuous? What research have you done in it?”, he asks her without a pause.
‘Speak!’, she tells herself. “Well sir.. I referred a few books in the library..”.
He drops the project file from his hands. “Could you please pick that up for me.” She comes round the table that separates them and bends down to pick up the file. His eyes are pinned at her back. She is aware of his stare. Hesitatingly, she walks closer to him to hand him the file. Their hands touch, he grins. That grin.
She gathers herself and comes back to where she was standing, a slight lump forming in her throat. “Yes..so you were saying?”, he continues. She knows but carries on. “Sir..”, this time he puts up a hand and looks up at her intently. “You seem cold. Do you want me to switch off the air conditioning for you.”, as he gets up and walks towards her. “I hope you are well..”, she flinches as he touches her forehead. “No temperature”. He proceeds to her cheeks and then to her arm. “Looks fine to me.” He holds her arm for a second too long.
You need water?”. “No.” “Here, have it.” And he takes her hand and thrusts his bottle in it. “ No sir, I don’t need water.”, and she pulled away her hands from him and steps back. He looks at her, shrugs, and comes back to his seat.
“I see you haven’t prepared anything for your presentation at all. How appalling! Can you tell me anything that I can find interesting?”
“Well sir, I did make the report on ..”, she mumbles.
“Nothing? No fancy pictures? Are you sure, pretty lady? Do you want me to help you. ” he blandly stares at her.
She looks up, with a shudder. “No sir.” escape from her lips involuntarily.
“But this won’t do. I can’t just take your no for an answer, can I. You will have to come over here every Saturday for an extra class, just so you don’t keep saying no for every query I put forward to you. You need to learn. Do you understand me?”
“Yess sir..”, she splutters.
She sees the grin. She knows. All she wants to do is run away from that place. He doesn’t say anything more. She looks uncertainly at him and walks out, not knowing why is she wiping her tears while doing so.
She never went back for the Saturday class. She got an F in the final grades from the Professor. She re-took the subject for another year. Thankfully, re-appearing students needed to be taken by another teacher.
‘I know she is right’
As she shakes herself out of that reverie, she thinks aloud, ‘I know she is right’.
It has been 4 years since this. She is no longer an uncertain-first-year-law student. She is a final year student on verge of graduation. The story of a first-year student alleging sexual harassment by the Professor had become the college scandal. Everyone was talking about it. Most reactions were to the tune of “He was only looking.”
She knows what happens in there and when just-looking becomes lewd-staring. She knows when the intent-look turns into a lascivious stare. She knows when the gentle smile becomes a cloth-stripping stare. She knows when the accidental-brush becomes a heart-gutting touch. People can forget what you said or did to them, but you never forget how someone makes you feel. She had felt that.
‘Should I go in and talk to that girl? she wonders. She knows the repercussions. They will know. Everyone will know. ‘What will I say then..’ And then, the most obvious question “Why didn’t you say anything before!” But what could I have said.. ‘At least you can say now when someone has been brave enough to take the first step..!’, her inner conscious growls at her. ‘What if they don’t believe me. What if they say I was being sleazy in my behavior towards a Professor. What if they think of me being cheap. What will I say at home, if they get a wind of it..?!’
…….
‘I know she is right.’
‘They will all know..’
……..
The one thing that experience had taught her was to always listen to your intuition. It never fails you.
She walks to the room of that first-year girl without as much giving a glance back.
She was not interested in repeating lessons.
