This Is What I Want To Tell My Daughter
No, you don’t have to be a soft place to land for any man
I want to tell my daughter, no you don’t have to be a soft place to land for any man. He should have his bed already cosied up before he even meets you. He should also provide a warm blanket to wrap you up in safety, and friendship.
I want to tell my daughter that you don’t have to show skin and flaunt your curves to “attract” a man. Your body is sacred. And the type of men who hunger for your flesh are most likely not worthy of you.
I want to show my daughter that love can be nurtured in many forms. Romantic love, friendship, communities, taking care of children (or not), building skills, and contributing to humanity. Any area of life can provide meaning and value. Not just romance.
I want to tell my daughter to be mindful of how much emotional labour she gives to any situation. To consider balancing her soul and heart with nourishing activities. And to surround herself with people who reciprocate equal emotional labour.
I want to tell my daughter that her worth should not solely be determined by whether she is a spouse, wife, mother, or any other conventional “women” role. She can choose to be happily married or unmarried. With children or without. My love for her will never be diminished.
I want to tell my daughter that I won’t view her as not settled down if she decides never to marry. Life should be a constant exploration of our interests and the development of our skills. If her heart is full and happy then she is settled in body and mind
I want to tell my daughter that she always has a voice. And I want to teach her when to use it. I want her to know to run far from any man who tries to diminish her voice or vision in any way. For her voice is her power, and no one deserves to take that away.
I want to tell my daughter not to see every man as a bad or useless man. But to stand fiercely and examine the words, and most importantly actions of every man. Especially in romantic involvement. To keenly observe a man from a slight emotional detachment, regardless of his promises.
I want to tell my daughter to nurture her natural and wild beauty. Whilst at the same time nurturing the beauty of her mind and soul. Through intellectual and spiritual pursuits. To be nourished from within.
I want to tell my daughter to distance herself from other women who are too overly male-centric. I want them to know they will waste years of their lives with these women talking about the most useless things relating to men. When instead they could be building up their passions and life.
I want to tell my daughter that being a woman is no different than being a man. She can be and do anything she puts her mind to. She has a lot of friction to overcome in this patriarchal world. But it can be done with a positive mindset and a conscientious work ethic.
I want to tell my daughter always to have her own money. Money buys freedom and brings more opportunities than being in a relationship can. Money will also make her less desperate to allow a sub-par man into her life.
I want to tell my daughter to not chase after any man. To not spend hours wasting her life wondering, worrying, or anxious over any man. A man that truly wants to be in her life, will never make her soul ache in such a way
I want to tell my daughter to be wary of men who give her excess compliments on her physical appearance. Often they see her with lustful eyes, and her body as a tool of utility. She should instead yearn for a man that values her ideas, and personality more than ever.
I want to tell my daughters to embody the strength of a woman through all things in life. To develop her self-sufficiency. So she’ll need to rely less on a man. To lean into women-based positive communities, and circles. Deriving enrichment from other women.
I want to tell my daughter that education is not her enemy. Raising a family is beautiful. But so is developing a vocation. Our vocations can often take us more places, and offer more enriching experiences than any man can. With often less emotional turbulence involved.
I want to tell my daughter that mommy fell hard for the many lies about men and relationships. Mommy was used, abused, and belittled often. But Mommy came out strong in the end. Mommy knows her worth now, and will never let any man into our lives who won't respect, honour, and care for the sacred feminity in all women.
Writer’s note: Please share this message with any women in your life you feel need to hear these words. Women need to build other women up.
