FACING FEAR
This One Idea Helped Me Overcome Paralyzing Fear and Anxiety
Would knowing the future make you more or less afraid of it? Is the future predetermined?
“I am calm. A wave of boundless harmony, peace, relaxation, and silence washes over me. Everything that will happen has already been determined, wisely thought out, and is already done, and no one can change that. So let it happen, what is already determined — I am infinitely calm. “ Martin Kojc
In my writing, I have mentioned how I sometimes envy people with strong faith, a belief in some higher force that takes care of everything. Whether that is God, the Universe, or some other invisible force, matters not. It’s the faith, the belief behind the idea, that matters. The certainty and conviction. It must indeed be nice.
It also doesn’t matter if it’s objectively true or not.
If one firmly believes that everything will always work out, has zero doubt, and does everything with the highest of convictions, the odds of success lay heavily on their side. Call it what you will, that I do believe.
I have no desire to convince anyone of the existence of such a higher power, nor do I care what you call it. I do, however, feel that we are all connected in this unity, oneness on some higher or deeper level. I have also personally experienced this connection through situations that could be interpreted as coincidences by the rational mind but defy all odds and follow a repeating pattern.
When you let go, everything is taken care of.
That pattern is that when I let go, when I surrender my will and trust that everything will be taken care of, whatever I am worrying about, when I truly and completely let go, and not a moment sooner, everything does somehow, almost magically work out. Things that were just outside my reach for an eternity and for which I have worked so hard, with no success, suddenly come calling my name.
When I stop pushing and forcing my will upon life, life stops resisting me and offers its help freely. This principle has many names. I like “The Law of Reverse Effort.”
- The more you push, seek, and want something, the more life resists and pushes back against you.
- The more you let go and release your grip on fate, the more life starts working for or with you.
I have experienced this principle in my life on countless occasions.
I kept a journal for a few years, but I felt my understanding and belief were strong enough once it crossed two hundred entries or proof of its effect. Turns out they’re not.
Unfortunately, I am obsessed with controlling everything. I cannot, for the life of me, let go of control and trust that something else will take care of things for me. It doesn’t matter what name I give it. I feel that I must retain control, or the world will stop spinning. The wind will stop blowing. The tide will stop rising and receding. Even the sun won’t come out in the morning unless I will it and make it so.
Ironically, this has never worked in my favor. Never! And yet, it is engraved into my mind, on the deepest level, and the moment I stop being one hundred percent focused on releasing control over my life, it rears its ugly head again, and I revert to my old ways. This has been the greatest battle within my mind for the past two decades.
I know that it doesn’t work. Not for me. But I can’t stop wanting to figure everything out myself and trying to make it happen. Letting go still feels like I will drown while I’m only just holding my head above water.
And yet, buoyancy is the perfect example of the principle at work.
Our bodies float if we just trust the water, relax our bodies, and let the water do the work for us. We can only drown in still water if we panic, struggle, and fight the water with all we have. If we let go, trust, and relax in the belief and understanding of the principle of buoyancy, we would float above the surface without exerting even the slightest effort ourselves. If we fight the water, we will drown, but when we trust the water, it will keep us afloat. Life is no different.
Whatever I have struggled with, my life has only ever improved once I’ve let go of control: all control and my intention to manage or direct it.
This goes for my health, mind, work, money, relationships, safety, travel, everything. The more I plan and try to make a difference myself, the more the universe seems to fight me. I keep increasing this effort, this force, this push from my side until I simply cannot fight life anymore. Then, forced to admit defeat, I can truly let go and let life flow.
From our example of drowning above, this would translate into giving up on being able to breathe and stay afloat, surrendering to the deep sea, calling my name. Stop moving, stop fighting, stop struggling, and give up. When I am ready to drown, prepared to die, as I cannot resist the water anymore, the water says, “Hello dear, I see you gave up. Finally. Let me take care of you now.”
A long time ago, I came across a brilliant but lesser-known writer and psychologist named Martic Kojc. His Study Book of Life has gotten me through some impossible, challenging times and, when implemented, has given me immense inner peace. I highly recommend you do some reading on the man. He may have been born over a hundred and twenty years ago, but like so many of his peers, his lessons have stood the test of time.
Martin proposes a meditation that will affirm this surrender and faith in life.
Metaphysics aside, mental and emotional surrender, especially combined with the belief that all will eventually be well, is the best, most effective, and quickest way I know to overcome fear and anxiety in your life.
The foundation for his “theory” is that there is a force governing the whole universe. That force takes care of everything.
The world is but an illusion, and all our sensory input is mind-made. There is no material reality. It’s all a mental construct. The mind governs everything. If this world was material, then nothing non-material could influence it in the slightest, but we know it does.
A lot of great minds seem to agree on this perspective, and there are plenty of arguments supporting the view. Regardless, it’s a difficult and often pointless take on reality.
- Even if we are living in some sort of a simulation, and we are basically stuck in our minds this whole time, what good does that do to us?
- What have we gained with this “knowledge,” even if it would be true?
I don’t know “the truth,” but I do know that when I live my life following the principle of non-resistance and trust life to take care of everything for me and step away completely, it always does.
The second part of his philosophy is that this life force wants only the best for us since it is us on some grander level.
Without going into details, and some are rather hard to digest or accept, life wants to give us what we desire. It’s a dance where life backs away when we lead, and when we allow ourselves to be led, life takes the lead.
Life gives us what we believe.
If we believe in lack, we receive lack. If we believe we are sick, we are sick. If we believe we are poor, we are poor. Life, according to Martin, is like a mirror. It gives back exactly what we expect and believe we will see. Our internal world is simply reflected outward.
Should we want to heal, for example, we must convince ourselves that we are healthy. That would then result in our expectation, a belief that we are healthy, and when we would look into that universal mirror, a healthy person would be reflected back at us. Our life is only ever reflecting our deepest beliefs and convictions. We cannot achieve anything beyond them.
A person, Martin says, can never achieve anything using his will. That is an illusion. Everything wanted and unwanted is always given to us as a gift, according to our beliefs, because we are convinced they will happen.
Again, I don’t want to go into details or be a missionary for his theories. They aren’t unique to him or necessary for what I was trying to convey today. In writing this post, I intend to help you overcome fear and anxiety using one simple principle (and remind myself again of it). One meditation, as the author calls it. It is this:
“I am calm. A wave of boundless harmony, peace, relaxation, and silence washes over me. Everything that will happen has already been determined, wisely thought out, and is already done, and no one can change that. So let it happen, what is already determined — I am infinitely calm.“ Martin Kojc
*This is my awkward translation as I read his work in a different language.
I can vividly remember how reaffirming this one meditation repeatedly has done wonders to calm me down as I walked through the proverbial shadow of death. This meditation has been a lifesaver when I was most anxious and afraid of what would happen. There was no shortage of such situations in my life, unfortunately.
I didn’t need to believe that all would be well.
That is not what helped me, as I remain a skeptic. No. It was the push to surrender to fate. The certainty of an outcome that had been predetermined and no one could change now. That is what helped. Ironic, I know, but when I surrendered emotionally to life, whatever it had in store for me at the time, fear and anxiety left my mind almost entirely.
If you believe that the outcome of the battle you are entering has already been determined, and neither you nor anyone else has the power to change it, this alleviates the pressure. Why worry if I can’t do anything about it? Let it be what will be. Ready to die, we can freely fight to the best of our ability.
“Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.” — Miyamoto Musashi
In a sense, it’s accepting and making peace with the worst-case scenario.
Once that is done, once the resistance of the big, bad boogyman is dealt with, we can calmly work toward the best possible outcome. Facing our fears head-on is always the way to go, as is letting go of everything beyond our control.
Martin’s second meditation, though, focuses on acknowledging a benevolent universe.
Everything that is happening is wise and good and always serves perfection and the improvement of life. All that is has a purpose and intention and, without exception, serves the fulfillment of desires. Everything happening always leads us to a greater understanding of the true essence.
While essentially a helpful mindset, this is most likely harder for us to accept. Then again, believing in a benevolent universe would be beneficial to our mindset and odds of success and positively influence a general sense of happiness in our lives.
- I have met a handful of happy people who signaled they believed that life, people, and the universe are mostly friendly and happy, with some dark spots in between.
- While most miserable, depressed, and negative people have claimed life, people and the universe, in general, are hostile and full of suffering, with only occasional bright spots.
This could simply be a “chicken or egg” kind of puzzle. I don’t know about you, but if I had a choice, I know which version I would adopt in my thinking. Oh, and by the way, we all have that choice! It may take some mental gymnastics and perspective switches, though. Experimenting with new perspectives, testing the validity of our point of view, and trying to understand other people by putting ourselves in their shoes is always a good thing.
I also like the quote below from Lester. It was his answer to a person living a life full of trouble, but once they gave up, everything always fell into place. He insisted that that person’s problem was their lack of faith, a belief that everything is taken care of. Only after having given up, after they could no longer fight and force their will, they surrendered, and life took care of everything for them. I can confirm that life does seem to work this way.
God is All, God is Perfect, and if God is All and God is Perfect, everything must be perfect, and that leaves no place for imperfection or troubles. If you take that attitude, so be it! Lester Levenson
In short, if you are tormented by anxiety and fear, it is useful (true or not) to nurture and accept the belief that:
- Everything that will happen has already been determined and is already done. No one can change it. What will be, will be, so let it be — and find peace in surrendering to life. Why resist or fear the future if we can’t change whatever is coming? What is meant to be will be, whether we are free of worry or drown in fear.
- Everything is always good and perfect, just the way it is. You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this time, and everything is precisely how it was supposed to be. There are forces at play that you don’t understand but are all taking care of things better than you possibly could have. Everything will be alright, and you don’t have to lift a finger to make it so. And no, you don’t have to understand how and why. It will only make sense retrospectively.
Experiment with accepting the future as predetermined and done.
See how it feels if you adopt that kind of mentality. You don’t have to believe in some greater power. It could simply be a matter of infinite forces influencing any situation, overwhelming whatever your input may be. The reality remains that most larger situations are completely out of direct power. Our minds and choices in the now are all we actually control.
So, next time you feel anxious or afraid of something happening or not happening, assume that it has already been determined and arranged, and there is nothing you or anyone else can do to change that now. The comet is falling. You can see it burning in the sky. Whether it will annihilate all life on the planet is already determined by its speed and mass. You can hide under a rock, but it will make no difference if it’s a planet killer. Can you feel how such a surrender would feel?
Here’s a hint: you will only ever be afraid of anything as long as you resist the situation. As soon as you accept it fully, surrender to the possible outcome, and stop fighting it, you will experience a peace unlike you’ve ever felt before. Regardless of the monster in front of you.
This does not mean you won’t do what you can to turn things around. It merely means you have emotionally accepted the worst and are now free from fear. Since luck favors the brave, the universe could just be at your side if you decide to trust that all will be well in the end. Sounds like a win-win to me.
I ask you then:
- What do you believe — is the universe friendly, hostile, or neutral?
- Is our future predetermined or in constant flux with infinite possibilities?
- Could you accept a fatalistic mentality if you knew it would completely free you from anxiety and fear?
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