Three Things That Have Helped Me with Parenting in a Pandemic
Plus one question to ponder
As summer starts to wind down and the uncertain school year looms, we parents are faced with decisions and circumstances no one should ever have to consider. Instead of the usual excitement and energy that a new school year brings, there is a sense of foreboding and dread.
Much like Odysseus in Homer’s The Odyssey, we are in a Scylla and Charybdis dilemma, having to choose between two equally undesirable alternatives. Should we risk the six-headed monster virus in school or the turbulent whirlpool of challenges that come with learning at home?
Physical health or mental health.
Sanity versus safety.
I have shed plenty of tears over the many consequences of this insane pandemic. I worry about my kids and all of your kids.
They have missed out on proms and graduations, soccer tournaments and birthday parties. Everyday activities like going to the library or playing on a playground have added layers of complexities. And the return to a new school year is loaded with ambiguity.
All of this turmoil and uncertainty has piqued my interest in that demographic Tom Brokaw labeled the Greatest Generation.
“These men and women came of age in the Great Depression, when economic despair hovered over the land like a plague. They had watched their parents lose their businesses, their farms, their jobs, their hopes. They had learned to accept a future that played out one day at a time. Then, just as there was a glimmer of economic recovery, war exploded across Europe and Asia. When Pearl Harbor made it irrefutably clear that America was not a fortress, this generation was summoned to the parade ground and told to train for war.” The Greatest Generation
A few characteristics that define this generation are work ethic, self-sacrifice, and integrity. These strengths were not born out of an easy life. Rather, the enduring of profound suffering and uncertainty yielded fortitude.
As my Dad was fond of saying, adversity builds strength.
So here it is, the year 2020 and we are facing an economic crisis, global pandemic, and political unrest. Not an ideal environment for childhood.
But consider this: what if we are raising the Next Greatest Generation?
What if all of this strife yielded an incredibly strong and resilient crop of young adults on the other side of this? Perhaps compassionate hearts are being cultivated in the soil of pain, suffering, and loss.
In my many years of working with children, one thing I have witnessed time and again is their ability to adapt and adjust. Whether it is living with blindness or being newly diagnosed with diabetes, I have been amazed at how kids face incredibly difficult circumstances head-on.
In my experience, the diagnosis is typically harder on the parents.
Our children have already endured unbelievable losses. They are certainly grieving in different ways. They are leaning on us.
So how can we help our children through this global pandemic? Advice abounds on things such as encouraging outdoor play, providing structure, and limiting screen time. I continue to try to implement various ideas that I think will be beneficial for my children.
But I have found that the most important thing I can do for them is to build my inner strength so that I can model hope and perseverance for them. In turn, I wish to be the safe landing place they need for their worries and disappointments, as well as a source of optimism by looking for the good that happens every day.
I have found the following three things invaluable in this pursuit.
1. Make time for silence.
The world is loud.
There are so many things competing for our attention at any given moment. Whether it’s demanding bosses, needy children, or the constant pinging of our smartphones, there seems to be no end to the cacophony of noise.
Set aside ten minutes every day to be silent.
Guard this time fiercely.
Create a space where there are no digital devices or other potential disruptions. Whether you choose to meditate or pray or simply quiet your mind, I guarantee you it will be time well spent.
I have discovered that if I want any time for pure silence in my day I need to wake up before anyone else in my household. On the days I skip this quiet time, I feel it. I am less patient with my kids and more easily irritated by minor annoyances.
We often place so much value on our actions and being productive; it is worthwhile to learn the value of just “being” rather than “doing”. Being steeped in the classroom of silence allows for this to happen.
2. Get moving.
We are all aware of the benefits of exercise but often find ourselves lacking in motivation. What if I told you that your exercise routine would benefit your children? Perhaps that would be a stronger motivator.
Exercise reduces stress, which in turn helps you to be a more calm and patient parent. It’s a win-win for both you and your child.
Have you noticed since the quarantine began more people are walking outdoors? We instinctively know it is good for us. Yes, regular exercise helps with weight loss and can lower blood pressure and help stabilize fluctuating blood sugar.
But it is also so beneficial for our mental health. A steady diet of daily news ought to be complemented with regular exercise. Those feel-good endorphins are released and that can help shape our perspective, moving us to a more positive view of the world around us.
3. Connect with senior citizens.
Those whose children are now adults can offer us a different vantage point in our parenting. It is easy to get bogged down by the day to day challenges of raising kids, but it is important to remember just how quickly the time passes and to treasure the moments we have.
That is the beauty of grandparents! I talk to my mother often and she had her own set of worries and difficulties while raising us. She lived through seasons where we had academic struggles or friendship fallouts or very poor decisions in our teenage years. She also lived through WWII, the polio epidemic, and economic recessions.
“This too shall pass” is a slogan she reminds me of often. Her voice of experience gives credence to this commonly used phrase.
If your parents are not available to provide this sort of perspective, find others that can offer you an objective view. I have older friends who have been so helpful to me simply by sharing their struggles and what helped them in raising their children.
Maintaining connections with others during this time of isolation is so important. Senior citizens have so much to offer and they appreciate being needed.
It is easy to get caught up in the very real concerns of our circumstances. It is easy to feel helpless and worry about the long term consequences this pandemic will have on our children. None of us have a crystal ball to see into the future. But we can learn from the past and focus on the good happening in the present moment.
We weren’t born in 1820. We weren’t born in 1920. Right here, right now, it’s the year 2020 and we are moms and dads with children entrusted to our care. We were made for this moment and we have what it takes to see our children through this time in history.
And maybe, just maybe, we are raising the Next Greatest Generation.
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