To be or not to be? How did I turn from an alcoholic to a gym enthusiast
Changes come when you find your support system.
One shot, two shot! Okay let me have the whole bottle this drink is useless…I just want to finish all the drinks, leave and go home.
I was drinking my way on a Saturday night as usual with my drinking gang. It has been 5 consecutive months since I went out with them (sometimes it’s 4 people, sometimes it gets up to a group of 10 or more) on every Friday and Saturday night.
The usual bar routine:
- Bar A at 22:00 — Ordered some snacks and opened 2 bottles of red wine, this is the pre-drinking session before everyone arrives. Who needs proper food if you have alcohol for calories.
- Bar B at 23:45 — My favourite bartender friend works here. He normally will shout us a few rounds of gin and tonic/tequila shots so to get everyone in the mood for the night.
- Club C at 00:30 — Time to shake off the alcohol and get the booty shaking. Normally we will get another few round of shots and start mingling with random people. We called it potential dates scouting.
- Bar D at 02:30 — Some of the gang might have left with their newly befriended dates they just met in the Club. For the people who stayed, we are normally in for more alcohol consumption, so we keep buying rounds and rounds of drinks, and just to see how long we can last for the night.
- Diner E at 03:45 — Time for some real food. By this time everyone is feeling extra hungry after all the alcohol intake with an almost empty stomach. I do not want to puke on the way home and definitely need some greasy food in my stomach. What should I eat for tonight?
This summer night, I’m not feeling the usual. This lifestyle of drinking non-stop is physically and mentally draining. I can still feel the alcohol flowing in my vain from last night. The smell of cigarettes from random strangers disgust me.
I am not happy.
I need to put a stop to this drinking pattern, I told myself. Why am I drinking so much if I’m not actually enjoying it? This is definitely not healthy. I look awful when I looked into the mirror the other day. My skin is rough, my eye bags and dark circle are so huge, my face looks so swollen. I look like 10 years older than my actual age. Why am I doing this to myself?
“Sorry guys, I am not feeling quite well today and I need to leave now.”
I charged out from Club C with one of girlfriends, as she was almost done for the night. While charge walking with my 3 inches heels, I saw some familiar faces from across the street.
N: “Hey sweetheart! What are you up to being so late and out on the street?”
Me: “Same to you! I’m just going home. It’s so late already why are you in your exercise gears?”
N: “ I’ve just finished a 4 hours run so heading home. Early morning tomorrow, got a 06:45 bootcamp. Come join me! J and C will be there too.”
What?! Are they insane? How can they all wake up so early for exercise given now is already almost 02:00? I am still digesting the alcohol and going through an emotional ride in my head. My mind just get to the point where I am questioning myself why do I need to drink so much.
J and C: “We dare you to wake up early and go with us. We’ll be your training buddies!”
Okay, maybe it won’t hurt to try. J and C are two very friendly girls I met this summer. I think we hit off quite well and as we have been hanging out in day time for the girly activities throughout this summer, ie. spa and massage, manicure, shopping, afternoon tea, etc, but never join them for an exercise session. They all look so healthy and glowing even without makeup at this late night.
Maybe I can do it. Maybe I can do something different this time before saying no. What’s the worst could it be? If I can’t train then I’ll quit or just watch them on the side. I want to look healthy like them.
Me: “Okay, see you guys tomorrow at 06:45. Call me and wake me up and I’ll be there.”
I walked off with my drunken girlfriend to the taxi station.
Reckless tipsy decision and aftermath
Wait a minute…did I just say yes to a 06:45 bootcamp session? So I need to wake up at 05:45, and it’s already 02:15 now. What have I done to myself? Must be the alcohol! Gosh I’m so tipsy I didn’t even realise. This is reckless, should I text them and say no now? But I just said yes… (so here comes the 1,000 miles of thoughts running through my head for the next 15 minutes on the taxi ride — before I raced up to my apartment and crashed on my bed.)
I showed up to the running field at 06:45 sharp. I did not manage to sleep much as the alcohol keeps me quite awake.
There was so many people running on the trail already. Let me do a headcount. One…two…there was almost 40 people training together this morning.
Argh…I am running so slow…I need to regulate my breath.
J and C are here. They are running towards me with a very welcoming smile. When I look around, they seems to be the good looking girls in the crowd and have this energetic influence to people around. With fit bodies and physical endurance, I wonder if I can be more like them?
Suddenly, I have a new goal that I want to attain. I want to be like them, to be able to spread this positivity to people around me. To be the one that encourage positive behaviour. To be alive.
I want to run faster, sweat more and be able to feel refresh every single day.
I’m glad I came. I think I seek a way out of my alcoholic life. I am determined to quit the old habit and reinvent a new version of ME.
Positivity attack
I think subconsciously my behaviour pattern started to change once I made that mission statement in my head on that very first Sunday morning bootcamp.
I actually enjoyed the workout routine at the Sunday morning bootcamp even though I’m not a fitness advocate. Exercise is always good for you right? Besides, I never knew sweating can feel so good. I feel alive and driven with the endorphins produced in my body. It seems like there is something to look forward to, something to improve every time I workout.
Now I understand why people drink less when they exercise, you just want to get better, to have better performance. I do like this new version of me.
After a month or so joining the Sunday bootcamp religiously, I started to go out less with the drinking gang, as I prefer to hang out with my new exercise buddies. I still have a sip here and there but definitely not binge drinking like I used to. I found something more meaningful to do for the weekend and actually do good for my body, mind and soul.
I become really good friends with J and C ever since. Even though I do not go to the bootcamp sessions anymore now (I lost the pattern and could not wake up after all the messed up flying schedule from my job), but I did pick up an exercise routine by hanging out with them by trying different fitness classes.
I signed up for a gym membership and go 3 times a week. I practice yoga during lunchtime everyday at work whenever I can. I picked up MuayThai and enjoyed to have a session to punch it out whenever I had a crazy day at work and need to lash out. I finally learnt to observe and take care of my body well being. I have been able to maintain this habit even I fly out for work trip.
I pick up this new habit to join classes in different fitness/wellness studio in overseas whenever I fly out. I will bring my workout gears with me in every luggage I packed for work trips. Every time I found a new studio with good classes, I will make contact and revisit the studio the next time I visit. I become this gym enthusiast that I never imagine I would be.
Reflections
I am grateful to have met these people that challenge and push me out of my comfort zone. If I was not that tipsy and urging for a change of lifestyle, I would not have decide to go for something that I am not comfortable with.
No one is born perfect, but you can always take control in your life on how you want it to play out. Changes happen — one step at a time. You will not go from all to nothing, no matter it’s quitting alcohol, recovering from a bad relationship, or mourning the loss of a loved one. But having the determination to start small is all it takes to start fresh.
Find your support system. Knowing and having people at your back give you the strength to at least try. And guess what? After all, we are all the same, having our own issues that need to be improved but too scare to walk alone.
Who would have thought a used to alcoholic could now become a gym enthusiast and awaken to spiritual and mindfulness teaching?
