To My Beautiful Black Sons: Come Home ALIVE
“The Talk” is an Unfortunate Staple in the Black Community
As the mom of two African American sons (both towering above 6 ft), “The Talk” has been given in our home multiple times over the years. In the black community, this conversation is not about the birds and the bees, but rather how to respond if approached by law enforcement. In essence, how to come home ALIVE.
Initially, it was one of the most difficult conversations my husband and I had to have with our boys; but as time went on and as we continued to be devastated by real life events, we knew we were doing the right thing. The initial conversation was about water guns and the fact that they could only play with them in our backyard. They had to promise to never take these toys to a neighbor’s home.
I still remember the innocence leaving their eyes.
Then the conversation evolved and we talked about things like making sure to always get a receipt at the store even if it was just a pack of gum. As they got older we talked more about driving and what to do if they got pulled over by the police. We had to explain to our sons that although law enforcement officers are supposed to protect and serve, sometimes our black skin brings about unwarranted and unfair treatment.
In 2017 the idea for a picture book came to me in my prayer closet. I was very hesitant at first so I didn’t tell anyone. Then, just days later, another unarmed black man was killed by police. This time, in my city of residence, Tulsa, Oklahoma.
I knew this event would propel many families to have this necessary conversation with their children. I even found myself once again having “The Talk” with our sons. I thought back to conversations my parents had with me and my sister. It was almost identical to the one my husband had with his parents. It was clearly a staple in the black community. And when I really sit back and allow myself time to just think on that fact alone…it’s heartbreaking. But, it was just a confirmation for me that the book must be written.
At first I really struggled with how I would take this very serious subject and make it not only easy for children to digest, but also memorable. I debated and contemplated. I wrote and rewrote. I cried at just the thought that it was truly needed.
As a mom, the theme that continued to resonate was at the end of the day I just want my boys to come home ALIVE!
So I took that word (Alive) and wrote a catchy chant that parents could teach their kids. A to the L to the I-V-E….come home ALIVE…that is the key!
A-ALWAYS Use Your Manners
L-LISTEN and Comply
I-IN Control of your Emotions
V-VISIBLE Hands Always
E-EXPLAIN any Movement
It was also very important for me to not give the impression that all police are bad. So a section of the book shows officers as family members who want to get home ALIVE as well. The reader is reminded that officers are “moms and dads too” and “we pray for those in blue”. Please understand that I am NOT anti-police, but I AM anti-police brutality.
The hard part about telling kids that “all police are not bad” is continuing to hear from former officers who give details about the police culture that is beyond unacceptable. There is so much within that system that has to change or we will continue having “the talk” for many generations to come.
When I am out speaking to groups, I am often approached by hesitant parents who feel “The Talk” is useless because we have witnessed so many tragedies where victims seemingly did everything right. To this I use my “seatbelt analogy”. Just as a seatbelt cannot guarantee your survival in a car accident, it greatly increases your chances of walking away. So while “The Talk” cannot promise a positive encounter with police, equipping your loved ones with this knowledge can definitely increase their chances of coming home ALIVE. And as a mom, I will control everything I can; and that includes preparing them for this unfair world that awaits them.
A shorter version of this article was originally printed on my blog, www.purplelemonade.home.blog. The children’s book, “Momma, Did You Hear the News?” is available here on amazon.
