To my old traumatized self: Yes, even you can find happiness
Hi!
Thank you for reading these lines. And please stay until the end.
I wrote this text for you because I know you need it.
How do I know that?
And isn’t it presumptuous to make such a claim?
Yes, perhaps, but if everyone thought that way, then everyone would keep their valuable knowledge to themselves. And that would be a shame.
The gray everyday life and the weekend party
You go to work, you do your best without anyone really recognizing it. You get along well with your colleagues and customers (most of the time, at least).
And then you come home, exhausted, sit in front of the TV, eat unhealthy food, Netflix and chill. You ignore the amount of food that is definitely harmful to your body. Add a cigarette or shisha or alcohol.
All to relax. Because you’re so tense. From the work that drains you.
And sometimes, you feel so miserable that you could cry. And you do, secretly.
Then you pull yourself together and go to work, take care of the household. What would your visitors think otherwise?
Come home, TV, food, sleep. Work, home, TV… well, you know how it goes.
You can hardly wait for the weekend because then you can finally do what you want. You have no deadlines, no expectations from customers or superiors to fulfill.
You party. Excessively.
Sometimes so excessively that you only remember fragments of what happened yesterday. But it was invigorating. You finally felt alive.
You live for the weekends, when you party, when you drink alcohol, and when you don’t have any expectations to fulfill.
Does that mean that during the week, you have to hold yourself together, put yourself aside, meet expectations, and numb yourself on the weekends to compensate for the week somehow?
Disconnected from emotions
And eventually, it becomes too much. You can no longer numb this part of yourself because even in a numbed state, it’s still there, suffering, and it suffers even more under drugs.
At that moment, you realize that something is wrong. That all the privileges you have don’t make you happy.
But I have so much, how can I complain?? You may think.
You have things. A smartphone, clothes, lipstick to boost your ego.
To not feel the pain that also exists within you.
You have no connection to yourself. The connection is not there.
Something within you wants to come out, to be seen, to be heard.
The pain wants to be felt.
And you distract yourself, ignore the pain, numb it.
Yet, the pain is a part of you.
It’s your inner child that wants to be heard. That part of you has experienced terrible things, and it wants to talk about it, to finally be allowed to feel it.
We, as humans, have had emotions for millions of years. Who the hell came up with the idea that it would be great to suppress them?
Talk to your inner child
So, talk to it. And be aware that YOU are the one who can provide stability to that part now.
YOU can listen to that part of you, and accompany the emotions.
Acknowledge the pain and explain to the inner child that things didn’t go well in the past. That Mom and Dad were traumatized themselves and were unable to love this little being that is as pure and innocent as a child can be.
They couldn’t do it because they were sick.
But now, you can give yourself that love. At least to that part of you that never received love.
Tell how important this inner child is it is to you. That you are listening to it, that its tears are okay, and that it is still lovable, valuable, and beautiful.
And that you’re sorry for what this part has been through.
Nevertheless, you’re grateful that this part carried the pain within it until now. It’s thanks to this part that you are where you are now. You functioned. That was only possible with the help of your inner child.
Thank you, I’m here for you. Always. You are never alone again.
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Disclaimer: The information in this article is not a substitute for professional therapy or medical advice. Please seek the help of a qualified mental health professional if you are struggling with trauma.
