To Whom It May Concern
Echo One of These to Yourself as a Daily Mantra
Hurt people hurt people
Each and every person has gone through some degree of hurt that in turn damaged their ability to ever trust again. It is that very damage that makes one become defensive and self-protective, and if not properly healed, may cause them to lash out at and inflict pain on others, especially those we have power over, like our children or spouses, or employees, or siblings.
In relationships, for instance, it is important to heal yourself before you move on to the next one because you’ll definitely hurt them. And in order to grow, you must overcome denial. You have to convince yourself that whoever treated you badly in your life, was not your fault. The best revenge is a life well-lived. Do not allow someone else’s abusive manipulation to allow you to self-sabotage yourself and sabotage others.
Forgiveness is for you and not for the other person because holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Anger which you don’t work through will come out of you, sometimes when you least expect it. Love starts with yourself and healing starts with understanding.
It is in a narcissist’s blood to make you question your every single move. It’s in their blood to make you feel guilty. And it’s in their blood to make you feel like you were the problem. And the way they hold on to you longer is if and when they manipulate you and you keep on being affected by them.
So it is really important for us to know what our insecurities are, what makes us feel small, and what our traumas are so that we will make a safer environment for our loved ones.
If you were hurt, remember who you were before the hurt molded you into a person you’re still trying to find. Traceback and sit with your intuition and remind yourself that nobody is perfect and that it’s okay to start all over again. Find yourself again and try to remember that if you don’t heal your wounds, you’ll bleed on those who didn’t cut you.
Old ways won’t open new doors
I’m sure this is not the first time you are hearing this but I’ll say it anyway: if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you have always gotten. You can’t possibly keep the same mindset and expect new doors to open and new opportunities to come through for you. If working hard was all it took, then farmers or janitors (no offense against their work) would be in a different position.
You have to be willing to get outside of your comfort zone, think outside the box, and do something new or something different because your best thinking up until this point has you where you are right now. If you want change you are going to have to expand your mindset, be more strategic, and let go of the things that are no longer working, and look for new ways that might.
I’m not saying that you have to change your vision. The only thing you need to change is the approach. You can’t keep doing the same thing and then wonder, “Why is it not happening for me? Why is it happening for everybody else?” First of all, stop worrying about what other people are doing. Your journeys are totally different even though it has the same destination.
So my question to you is, ”What new thing are you willing to do in order to open those new doors and have new opportunities?” My advice to you is, “Invest in yourself and surround yourself with people with a higher mindset than you, those who are headed in the direction you want to go, and those who think differently than you rather than those who are validating how you already think. That way, you’ll always find new ways of growing and outgrowing redundant situations.”
If it comes, let it. If it goes, let it
IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!! Don’t try too hard to justify someone else’s shitty actions and behaviors because you wouldn’t ever be in their shoes. Some of us tend to dig deep into somebody else and try to understand maybe why they don’t like us, maybe why they did something specific, why they acted the way they did. Just stop.
Stop looking for an answer when there literally is none because sometimes there’s just no explanation. Live each day like it’s your last and don’t do tomorrow what you can do today. Remember, no answer is still an answer and the worst they can say is no. So stop digging! Learn to let go, move on, and keep in mind that life is all about managing expectations — most of all your own.
“You’re under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago.” Alan Watts
It’s important to understand that human beings are not rigid. We are malleable. We’re able to change at any given moment. If you have been living your whole life being a coward and being afraid of everything, at the moment you choose to be courageous. If you have been living your whole life being aggressive and angry, at the moment you can choose to have peace and serenity.
The only thing that’s stopping you is your perception of yourself and feeling like you have to be consistent. The ego that has formed over the years has engineered through your interpretation of your memories, engineered through what people tell you and what you have chosen to believe.
Ultimately, that belief system is simply an illusion because if say right now you get into a coma and woke up a year later with amnesia to people telling you you are the country’s hero, would you be a coward and afraid or would you just take up that new role because you believe that that is you?
Now, the only difference is that you still have your memories and just because you still have your memories doesn't mean you have to entertain them. You need to understand that we are living in the moment and as humans, we can change on a moment’s basis. You can consciously choose and decide who you want to be and how you want to carry yourself.
Once you do that, you will understand that ego is an illusion and that you don’t have to remain consistent with your image of it. You can start running. You’ve been obese for years, unable to lose weight, change your mindset, hit the gym and get back fine, get the body you want. You have ultimate power and you are not limited to any one idea or image of yourself. You can always reinvent yourself if the paradigm that you have right now isn't helping you. It’s never too late.
If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive
Don’t settle for less. Healthy boundaries strengthen relationships, be it romantic ones or with family, friends, co-workers, or the like. The problem comes in when occasionally, we always seem to find another trigger every time we get over one. Something that interrupts our peace and places us in chaos again.
Anything in life that pulls away from your inner energy is not worth it and you cannot afford it. When something like that happens, take that moment and remind yourself that not everything that makes you happy brings you peace. Do not let the outside world or the things or people around you determine how you feel on the inside.
I don't know if you know this, but you can tell the size of a man by the things that get him down. So what upsets you? What frustrates you? What gets you to drop some F-bombs or scream at the top of your lungs? What does it take to really piss you off? You need to figure out those triggers and deal with them so that they don't steal your joy.
Stay bigger than your circumstances by having bigger goals that you would never want to compromise because of a momentary disruption. It will take practice to grow that new layer of skin and it might be uncomfortable but you’ll realize that with time, you’ll feel oddly okay with it because that would mean you’re moving forward. Don’t worry because one day, those things won’t be a trigger to you anymore.
Note that if it’s not going to matter in five years, it shouldn't matter longer than five minutes. Some things are just not worth your time! Protect your peace.
We repeat what we don’t repair
Just like Freud, Carl Jung postulates that unresolved wounds and traumas in our unconscious mind always have a way of playing out in our conscious life until healed. So make peace with your broken pieces because your value does not decrease with someone’s inability to see your worth. Be aware of the things you need to change in your life.
Most of us usually wait until we’ve hit rock bottom or feel absolutely disgusted with where we are in order to make changes, but you don't have to do that. You can just decide right now to make a change and better your life. But if you happen to have hit rock bottom, please forgive yourself and move forward. Never, ever ignore the pain and hurt. Get the help you need.
Time heals nothing unless you move along with it
You can’t heal in the same environment that broke you and you can’t find happiness in the same place you lost it. Overcoming trauma takes time but only when you move along with it. Something that hurts you might not hurt somebody else and that’s a really hard pill to swallow.
Because if you’re a person in the healing process, you might sometimes feel angry or frustrated as to why you can’t get over certain things that might have happened in your life.
Your healing process is going to be so much different from somebody else’s healing process. Stop beating yourself up because you are holding on to something that somebody else might have easily let go of. There is nothing wrong with you. Healing is not linear and time doesn’t always heal all wounds.
But if you’re committed to moving along with it, time will definitely do its work. So, if you are sitting with a wound right now, that is okay. Do what you have to do for yourself to make your mind and your body feel comfortable with the process you are going through right now. Let it be your process. Personalize it. There is no rush, there is no judgment, it is you. Trust the process and move along with it.
I know it’s hard to turn the page when you know someone won’t be in the next chapter, but the story must go on: you’re absolutely responsible for helping yourself move forward. You have to do it on your own terms and you have to do it in a way that won’t make you uncomfortable.
Learn the difference between your intuition guiding you and your trauma misleading you
Just on a light note, the sound of intuition is the voice of your inner being. It’s your higher self that always, no matter what, what’s the best for you. The sound of trauma is the voice that results from experiencing intense pain. This pain can be emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual. We often try to make sense of this pain, make excuses for this pain, or find any way we can to survive with the pain.
Intuition feels right, trustworthy, peaceful, calming, accepting, and unifying, because your inner being is always with you no matter how much trauma you’ve endured, whether in a relationship, being sexually violated, losing a loved one, in an accident, seeing death in any manner, etc.
Trauma, on the other hand, feels like despair. It is self-centered, judgemental, all-consuming, and self-critical. Trauma may tell us that we are not good enough, that we deserved whatever happened to us, that we could have done more to prevent something, that we are bad to the core, or that we might somehow have asked for the painful experience. Trauma also tells us that the painful experience might happen again and we need to be ready to fight on all fronts.
Intuition is our most ignored and underutilized superpower, which if listened to in stillness can help us make important decisions, big and small. However, it is often clouded by our anxiety, shame, or our past. Do not allow trauma to mislead you into making an irrational decision or choice because of the emotional frenzy it shows up as.
Trust your quiet inner voice and it will guide you in the right direction. Yes, it might speak softly but when you listen the answer is always clear.
