Toxic People’s Greatest Hits: 50 Hilariously Absurd Things They Say

Find amusement in toxicity with 50 humorous phrases from the world of toxic individuals.

When toxic meets comic — Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels

Toxic people often drop phrases that are so outrageous they circle back to being funny, especially when you see them for what they are: attempts to control, belittle, or manipulate. Here are 50 humorous phrases you might hear from someone toxic that could make you chuckle when you strip them of their venom:

1. “I’m not bossy; I just have better ideas.”
2. “I’m not short-tempered; I just have a quick reaction to stupidity.”
3. “You’re lucky to even know someone as amazing as me.”
4. “I’m not a mind reader. But if I were, I’d be bored by your thoughts.”
5. “I’m a perfectionist; that’s why I can’t stand your mistakes.”
6. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”
7. “If I could clone myself, I would — then I wouldn’t need you.”
8. “I’m not arrogant; I’m just better than you.”
9. “Why would I lie? I’m practically perfect in every way.”
10. “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful; hate me because I’m smarter than you.”